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PICK OF THE TV TEAMS; The TV pundits have plenty to say about the footballers. But what do the players think of THEM? England star DENNIS WISE gives his verdict on the two biggest teams in Euro '96 - BBC and ITV...

KNOWLEDGE

VOICE

PLUS POINTS

MINUS POINTS

RATING

DES

LYNAM

Knows loads about loads of sports. Clever as a barrowload of monkeys.

Superbly confident, easy to listen to. So smooth, you could doze off listening.

Bags of sharp wit. Charming and sauve. The housewives' pin-up.

Can be a bit too suave for the fellas.

8

GARY

LINEKER

Brilliant. Played at the top, home and abroad, club and country.

Cocky and boyish, but always has something worth saying.

Getting better. More likely to say what he thinks than when he first started.

Lacks experience. Seriously lacks a hairdresser. Could you go out like that?

6

JIMMY

HILL

You'd think he knows all there is to know the way he talks.

Love listening to it for a laugh. Oh-so-serious!

Shaving off that beard!

Has an odd fascination for some neighbours of ours. Called Fulham, or something.

8

RUUD

GULLIT

My new Chelsea boss. He knows everything about everything.

I just want him to say: "Dennis, you're in the side Saturday." Music to my ears.

New on the scene, a welcome fresh face, full of authority. The man's done it all.

None at all. What do you think I am, stupid?

10

ALAN

HANSEN

Knows all about the big occasion after winning everything with Liverpool.

I wish he didn't shout so much. What's the matter with him?

He says what he thinks. You get the choice - like it or lump it.

Sometimes could do with more tact rather than bluntness.

6

TREVOR

BROOKING

Played a great game for the Hammers and England. Doesn't talk one.

Are you kidding? Boring.

None spring to mind.

Look, he's just not my favourite, all right? Nothing personal, Trev.

5

JOHN

MOTSON

Bursting with the stuff. Knows so much he can drive you crackers.

Love listening to all those useless tit-bits. Keeps the interest going.

Great at his job. A real pro who does his homework. Some "experts" don't.

Keeps pinching cigars off my agent Eric Hall. Or should that be a plus point?

9

BARRY

DAVIES

Rabbits on too much for me. He should stick to doing the tennis.

Irritating. You get the odd shriek for no good reason.

I haven't heard so much of him lately. I reckon Motson should do all of it.

A bit posh. Not one of the lads, is he?

5

BOB

WILSON

Excellent. Did his bit on the field, but doesn't ram all that down your throat.

Not his strong point, a bit monotonous at times. But what he says is OK.

Good link-man. As good as Des on the other side - and that's a compliment.

Should have played for Chelsea, not that Arsenal mob.

8

JACK

CHARLTON

Most knowledgeable of them all. A player and manager to rank with the greats.

Love that accent! Geordie-born and Guinness-watered - what a combination!

Blunt, brash, honest - here's a man who isn't backwards in coming forwards.

Can be a bit stubborn - can't we all?

9

GLENN

HODDLE

My ex-gaffer, soon to take over England. It's his knowledge that's got him there.

His talking voice is a lot easier to listen to than that record with Chris Waddle. Oh dear!

Heart of gold. He made me captain of Chelsea, my pride and joy.

Leaving the Bridge. We were sorry, but Ruud can carry on the good work.

8

ALEX

FERGUSON

The greatest club manager (bar Ruud) at the moment, so he must know a bit, eh?

It's a sort of gentle lilt. Reminds me of a kindly uncle.

A winner who knows what it takes to be a winner, so speaks with authority.

Could do with more TV experience. Sometimes a bit reluctant to criticise.

7

KEVIN

KEEGAN

Because he's done it too, his reading of the game is second to none.

Upbeat and bubbly - like that perm he used to have. Could have got a part in Bread!

Explains himself well. Knows the European game better than most Brits.

A bad loser. But then show me someone at the top level who isn't.

8

RON

ATKINSON

Great on domestic knowledge. I'm not so sure when it comes to Europe.

A treat. Purrs on like a classy motor and always has something to contribute.

Big presence. No quiet moments when he's in the studio.

Gary Lineker's hairdresser must supply his jewellery.

8

BRIAN

MOORE

Been doing it for donkey's years. Must know every player's inside leg measurement.

A pleasure to listen to him. Never dries up, never says too much.

The Man. An old-fashioned gent. Gets on with the game, not the controversies.

Keeps himself to himself. We'd like to see more of him on discussion programmes.

10

ALAN

PARRY

A director of Wycombe Wanderers can hardly be an expert, can he? Be fair!

Talks so fast my agent Eric Hall would be hard-pressed to get a word in if they met.

Saw him once in a tie you'd only be seen half-dead in.

He's a bit dull. Liven up! Show a bit of enthusiasm! Get Motsonitis!

6
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Title Annotation:Features
Publication:The People (London, England)
Date:Jun 2, 1996
Words:832
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