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Live football Sky Sports 2, 7pm THE Champions League quarter-final stage is a time for heroes, so don't be surprised if Porto forward Hulk destroys Manchester United tonight, writes James Milton.

A walking headline-writer's dream, Hulk has really caught the imagination of European football fans this season. I only wish he played for another Portuguese team - Sporting Braga, whose ground you may remember from Euro 2004.

It's that spectacular stadium built into the side of a mountain and it would be the perfect home for Hulk.

Before kick-off in an evening game the floodlights would be dimmed as a feral howl shattered the pre-match calm.

The crowd would gasp as a lone spotlight roamed the rugged face of the mountain, picking out the rugged face of Hulk.

With an almighty yelp, Hulk would burst through some stunt shackles, bound down towards the pitch on all-fours, and - in some primal blend of Portuguese and wolf language - demand vengeance from his team's quaking opponents.

At the other end of the hard-name spectrum is Porto's goalkeeper Helton.

I think the 'h' is silent which is why a friend of mine insisted on referring to him throughout the first leg as Helton John.

So even if Manchester United manage to tame the Hulk, they've still got Helton's piano ballads to deal with..

Porto keeper Helton belts out another Bernie Taupinpenned number

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Title Annotation:Sports
Publication:The Racing Post (London, England)
Date:Apr 15, 2009
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