PHEW! IT'S A MASALA MASSACRE!
WHEN asked to take on the curry industry's ultimate Man v Food challenge, The Monster Masala, I'll admit to feeling backed into a korma.
That's because the balti belly-buster consists of a bucket of curry, whole chicken, eight lamb chops, four onion bhajis, two samosas the size of slippers, two naan breads and a chicken tikka biryani. Only the partridge in the pear tree is missing.
The beast of a feast nudges a staggering 6,000 calories, which is the equivalent of wolfing down 25 Mars bars in one sitting. And, no, they don't do a low-calorie version.
The mountainous masala has been concocted by the Dilshad, in Chadsmoor, Cannock, a restaurant that has already foisted one of the world's hottest curries, The Crocodile Inferno, on the public - and dared them to eat it all.
I attempted that furnace-hot challenge, too, and failed miserably. In fact, I'd not long emerged from the loo following that torturous tikka test when handed the Monster Masala mission.
The individual who completes the one-man banquet in under an hour gets the PS20 purchase price back. I'm not sure that individual exists.
Neither does restaurant boss Tony Uddin.
"I don't think it can be done, but I said the same about the Crocodile Inferno," he says. "And someone managed to eat that.
"It's a tasty meal, but there's a lot of it."
That's an understatement. When two waiters near buckled under the weight of the curry, simmering in a six-and-a-half pound vat, I realised I could be spicing with possible death.
To my credit, I liberated the lamb chops from the lagoon of masala sauce and polished them off.
The whole chicken was hard going, but the naan breads - the proportions of elephant ears - were definitely a balti bridge too far.
Even if I'd managed to eat them, super-sized samosas awaited.
I managed to devour less than a third of the meal. It was a masala massacre.
Masala's a favourite of mine, but two kilos of the stuff is usually my limit. I'm a notoriously picky eater.
After I'd pushed away the curry container in a show of abject defeat, one diner who had been avidly watching the ordeal from an adjoining table told me: "Know where you went wrong, mate? You didn't have any lime pickle with it."
It was the same individual who yelled indignantly "What, no popadoms?" as waiters dragged out the many pots and plates and who pointed to the fearsome feast and asked a staff member: "That looks interesting, what's the dessert like?" The ultimate challenge is not confined to masala. The Juggernaut Jalfrezi is of similar, gargantuan size.
And I'd like to meet the individual capable of polishing off the spicy swamp of a meal that is the Vindaloo Volcano.
I wouldn't want to share a public convenience with them, but I'd like to meet them.
After I'd waved the white flag, Tony asked if I'd like to take the leftovers home. I'll return his wheelbarrow next week.
Man v Food challenges were bhoona in the USA, but I feel sure the Dilshad has concocted a dish that would stump any oversized American.
But if you think you've got the metabolism to lick the Masala Monster, ring the restaurant on 01543 570264.
I don't think it can be done, but I said the same about the Crocodile Inferno. And someone managed to eat that DILSHAD BOSS TONY UDDIN
|Printer friendly Cite/link Email Feedback|
|Publication:||Sunday Mercury (Birmingham, England)|
|Date:||Jul 23, 2017|
|Previous Article:||NOSTALGIA: CAN YOU HELP SOLVE HOME GUARD MAP MYSTERY?|
|Next Article:||HS2's PS2.7m pay-outs after staff didn't want to move to Brum; Midlands MP calls for a major rethink of PS56 billion project.|