Outsmarting the Smartie-snorters?

In their ongoing efforts to find cheap, easy ways to get high, it seems that students at a Rhode Island middle school started snorting crushed "Smarties," a popular sugary-candy wafer product typically sold in little rolls. If you saw one, you'd recognize it. They've been around since 1949, and you probably got 'em in your Trick-or-Treat bag on Halloween.

We don't know who came up with the idea of crushing them into powder and snorting them--or if it even works in getting someone stoned--but when the practice became widespread, parents and school officials sat up and took notice.

How could you stop it? Smarties are perfectly legal for kids of any age to buy over-the-counter, and don't show any proof of intoxicating effect other than maybe producing a "sugar high". Even snorting 'em isn't illegal. But the practice has apparently stopped--like, stopped dead--and we think we know why.

The middle school sent out letters to all parents of students telling them about the trend, and warning that snorting Smarties could cause nasal problems, lung irritation, allergic reactions and possible infestations of nasal maggots. Yes, maggots in your nose!

Now, middle school kids may not fear possible blindness, seizures, cardiac arrest, strokes or family whuppin's, but there are two threats we know they'll take very, very seriously: "increased acne pimples" and maggots crawlin' around in your nose!

We don't even know if that's possible-but somebody had a stroke of sheer genius!