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Other nickname ideas for Chris Grayling as 'paper asked to scrap Failing Grayling'; Here, collected for the first time, is an exclusive behind the scenes look at our notorious Grayling Nickname Headline Reference Sheet.

Byline: Keir Mudie

Aides of Chris Grayling asked a newspaper to stop using the nickname "Failing Grayling" to describe him, it is claimed.

Maybe it's upsetting the current Secretary of State for Transport. Maybe it's become a self-fulfilling prophecy.

After all, calls were growing for him to resign -- again -- following the revelation that the Government has had to pay [pounds sterling]33million to Eurotunnel after excluding the company from its no deal Brexit planning.

So here, collected for the first time, is an exclusive behind the scenes look at our notorious Grayling Nickname Headline Reference Sheet.

It was done a little while ago when the MP first emerged as a major figure so it's a little out of date. And we didn't anticipate him having the stellar career he's had. But here it is anyway.

Government pays [pounds sterling]33m to Eurotunnel over no-deal Brexit ferry contracts

Abseiling Grayling : In case he tries rock climbing.

Ailing Grayling : When he's not feeling so well.

Failing Grayling: Multi-purpose. Let's be honest, we were thinking, he will probably never reach higher office. But, if he does, this will come in handy if he ever gets A-involved in anything like, oh, I don't know, prisons, probation, courts, fines, training prison officers in Saudi Arabia, work programmes, A-legal aid, A-tribunals, jail A-violence, suicides, inept A-tagging systems, high-speed rail, timetable shambles, bus cuts. Or drones shutting down A-airports. Stuff like that.

Flailing Grayling: Should he "wave or swing wildly with little control" as the A-dictionary puts it... like if he opens a car door outside Parliament and knocks a fella off his bike.

Hailing Grayling: If taxis ever A-refuse to pick him up.

Inhaling Grayling: If ever asked about cannabis at university.

Jailing Grayling: Should he decide to get tough on crime.

Mailing Grayling: If his face ever A-appears on a stamp.

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Nailing Grayling: In the unlikely event of a sex scandal.

Paling Grayling: Should he be caught on film receiving bad news whispered to him. For example: "Chris, they haven't got any ferries."

Prevailing Grayling: Erm...

Railing Grayling: They'd never put Chris in charge of the railways, would they?

Retailing Grayling: If he decides politics is more trouble than it's worth and heads off to run a Woolworths.

Sailing Grayling: Only for extreme A-circumstances. If he does A-something daft like employing ferry companies with no ferries. Something which, of course, would never, ever happen.

Trailing Grayling: If Chris ever tries to run for leader of a political party.

Veiling Grayling: If he wades into the burka debate.

Wassailing Grayling: When he's spotted carol singing.

Whaling Grayling: In the event he ever gets anywhere near the Department for the Environment. Remember the old joke: "What do you think about whales, Chris?" "Well, Cardiff's great."

I think we've covered everything.

Apart from Wailing Grayling: Only to be used if he complains about a nickname given to him for his abysmal performance but doesn't have a skin thick enough to cope with it. Oh...

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Credit: Newcastle Chronicle

Chris Grayling

Credit: Newcastle Chronicle

Chris Grayling
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Title Annotation:News,Politics
Publication:Daily Mirror (London, England)
Date:Mar 2, 2019
Words:520
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