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On second thought.

What follows are some notes I made on the backs of a wide variety of pieces of paper over the past few weeks. The ideas struck me as either true or funny when I first put them down.

--They always ask you to use the revolving door, but they don't make them any easier to push.

--You can't sleep late, cut wood, watch football, eat dinner and still finish all the Sunday paper.

--Several times a year I see pictures in a magazine or items in a column from Hollywood about a round bed. Do they make round electric blankets, and where do they keep the Kleenex?

--The average American, I read, is growing three-quarters of an inch every 25 years. At that rate, I'll be six feet tall when I'm 210 years old.

--I don't stay to the end of civic meetings at the town hall, because they always end up in an argument about who has the floor and what motion they're voting on. Someone usually moves to table the motion on the floor, and someone else gets up to say you can't move to table a motion, because there's already a motion on the floor. That's when I get lost and leave.

--When someone isn't watching where he's going and bumps into me and almost knocks me off my feet, I almost always say, "Pardon me."

--The newspapers often referred to Kennedy as JFK, to Lyndon Johnson as LBJ, to Roosevelt as FDR and to Truman as HST, but no one ever called Jimmy Carter by the initials JEC, and now I notice no one is using RWR for Ronald Wilson Reagan. What causes this?

--There's nothing people like better than being asked an easy question. For some reason, we're flattered when a stranger asks us where Maple Street is in our own home town and we can tell him.

--It's been my experience that, despite the old saying, barking dogs are more apt to bite than dogs that don't bark.

--I'd give $10,000 to have had some of the money I have now back in 1956 when I was dead broke.

--The back of my closet is filled with clothes that I'll be able to wear again just as soon as I lose 10 pounds. On the other side of those on the pole is another, older bunch of clothes. I will be able to wear those again just as soon as I can lose about 20 pounds.

--Farmers always seem to have a lot of big, expensive equipment sitting all around, rusting. Are farmers really poor? How much do those machines cost? Are they paid for? Are they still any good? Why are they out there, rusting?

--When an argument comes up, I usually repeat what I thought yesterday or ten years ago. I don't very often think it through again to decide how I feel about it right now.

--If you wait until you are obsolutely certain before you do something, you never do it.

--Johnny Carson is largely a rumor to me. I guess he is good, but I've almost never seen him. We usually go to bed by 11:30 on week nights. I'm always surprised at the high Neilsen ratings they say that late-night television shows get.

--If you would give a calf the homogenized, ultrapasteurized product they sell to humans as milk now, I wonder if it would recognize it as something that came from its mother.

--I'm not very punctual, but I like to keep my watch exactly on time to the second. That way, I know how late I am. Watches, by the way, are better than they were 20 years ago. I hate myself for it, but I've finally given up carrying my great, gold, Hamilton railroad watch in favor of a battery-operated quartz watch. It keeps better time. It's nice to know something is better than it used to be.
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Author:Rooney, Andy
Publication:Saturday Evening Post
Date:Mar 1, 1984
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