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Off the Record.


YOU'VE got to feel sorry for our poor MSPs. They're moving into a brand-new, state of the art 430million-quid Parliament, and it's just not what they're used to.

But maybe they have a point.We got hold of one MSP's snagging list: 1) It's too hot. It's damned impossible to enjoy a decent glass of Chardonnay.

2) It's too dark. Dropped my wallet and couldn't find it again until I tripped over it. Now suing over broken toe.

3)The windows aren't big enough. Howam I supposed to get a decent tan cooped up in here? 4)There aren't enough mirrors.There never bloody are.What's the matter with you people?

5) Right that's it. Nearly an hour and I still can't find the mini-bar. Don't you know who I am? I've a good mind to bl Sorry.The paper's torn off at that bit.

IT was typical of Big Brother4winner Cameron Stout to turn down the lead role in Jack andthe Beanstalk at the Glasgow Pavilion because it would have meant having to snog his brother's fiancee.

He's signed for Aberdeen's Snow White instead - where we've heard he's going to be the eighth dwarf.So that makes Doc,Bashful,Happy, Grumpy,Dopey,Sleepy, JUST a thought, but won't British Airways have to cancel free flights for the staff who were stressed out due to staff shortages because of the staff shortages caused by staff taking time off for the free flights?

A RECORD200,000women went topless and danced in the open air in Ludzidzini Royal Village,Swaziland,this week in the hope of catching theeye of King Mswati III - hehas11wives and is in the habit of picking a new one each year.

Prince Harry is applying to emigrate.

THE residents of Ian Rankin Court in Cardenden, Fife, had better hope the author holds his popularity.The town in America that put up signs saying Stephen King Close saw property prices slump.

ACTOR Andy Serkis, famous for his meticulous approach, has been researching his role for the remake of King Kong by going to live among gorillas in Rwanda. We fear the new Star Wars movie might be beyond him.

COMING to a supermarket near you - the Sopranos Pizza.A UK food importer has acquired the rights for the new range and sees that 11o'clock--Monday audience as aprime target.So get ready for Comedy Connections Mince, Newsnight Waffles and Scotsport Tripe.

SO Aerosmith's Steve Tyler, according to a poll reported in the Record, is a sex godwho takes his partners 'on a rollercoaster ride'. Spare a thought for the Pop Idol singer described as a bouncy castle.

LET'S hear it for Katie Boring and Nathan Bland, whose wedding in their home town of Independence, Denver, was reported in the Record yesterday. No truth in the rumour, though, that the best man was Gord Helpus.

That honour fell to their Scottish friend, Wattie Pratt.


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Title Annotation:Features
Publication:Daily Record (Glasgow, Scotland)
Date:Sep 1, 2004
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