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Off the Record.

Byline: BY PAT ROLLER

THE new Director-General of the BBC, Mark Thompson, is planning a shake-up of the Beeb's output and is promising to give comedy the same priority as news.

This, however, has its pitfalls. Just wait until they're breaking into their latest blockbuster movie to bring you the 10 o'clock My Family episode, or flashing up titles during extra time in the World Cup Final: 'The Lenny Henry Show will follow immediately after the trophy presentation'.

Still, it might work the other way.They might interrupt the latest tedious account of a United Nations debate on the early evening news with 'And this just in... police have arrested the world's dumbest crook, who bought what he was told was a triple-barrelled shotgun. It was a trifle.'

Peter Sissons would tell it so well, too.OUR request for Pictures That Need No Caption has produced a bumper response - this onewas sent in by reader William Love. More soon.

SO, the speculation about a name for Posh and Becks' third baby is in full swing.

Don't worry if you guess this one wrong, for we have it ongood authority that there will be two more after this one. Becks is determined, ever since someone told him every fifth baby born is Chinese. He's convinced that having a Chinese baby would really put Brand Beckham on top in the Asian market.

As for this one, Becks wants a name that will go well with Romeo.Put your money on Alfa.

WE now know,thanks to the Razz,that McFly drummer Harry Judd is related to a Scottish lord. We are reminded that Mariah Carey is apparently convinced she's related to nobility from a Hebridean island.We're told she thinks she's Lady Muck.

THE news that Tony Blair put Italian prime minister Silvio Berlusconi in hospital with a crunching tackle in a five-a-side football match has caused feverish activity among Downing Street aides. They're trying to persuade Greg Dyke to get a team together.

JACKETS with built-in electric fans are the new must-have gear in Japan as the country swelters through a record-breaking summer.

The coats have two fans in the back above the waist which are connected to a battery pack, and more than 6000 have been sold at the hefty price of 90 quid each.

Anyone who points out that if you're hot you could just take your jacket off is not popular.

SIMON and Shuster are to publish Paula Radcliffe: The Autobiography in October. If she ever decides to finish it, that is.

ANDTHISJUSTIN ...ANGRY Rangers supporters flooded the Setanta switchboard yesterday, complaining that they had been given the correct subscription number.
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Title Annotation:Features
Publication:Daily Record (Glasgow, Scotland)
Date:Aug 31, 2004
Words:443
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