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Nanny State Summer Holiday Report 2013; a mother's day LAURA KEMP.

Victim: Laura Kemp Status: Work-from-home mother of one. Overview: Our observer noted how Kemp began the school holidays with a plan of activities, which was commendable. But as the weeks progressed, she failed to deliver on a number of factors, which are explained below. Stimulation: Our observer awarded points regarding Kemp's diary, which was jam-packed with events such as a week at her mum's, playdates, indoor surfing, a family holiday and picnics. Yet on every occasion, she failed to introduce any counting or reading games when she had ample opportunity. See Screentime.

SCORE: 3/10 Sports Clubs: Our observer was pleased to see Kemp had a leaflet about one which she put in the 'Important Pile'. But when it came to enrolling her son, she left it to the last minute and ended up begging the leader to let him on because she was "desperate".

SCORE: 1/10 Screentime: Our observer marked Kemp down to the lowest possible score due to her over-reliance on technology. When questioned on this, she told our observer: "But how the hell am I supposed to get anything done?" SCORE: 1/10 Health and Safety: Our observer has reported Kemp to the appropriate authorities after turning her back for five seconds and finding her son hanging off the fence trying to get his ball back from next door. Similarly, she thought indoor surfing and camping in the back garden would be a fun activity but her son was traumatised by both.

SCORE: 0/10 Innovation: Our observer was impressed by Kemp's eagerness to encourage independent creative thinking in her son. But she was subsequently marked down for suggesting something - usually Lego or football or "something, just go and find something to do, will you?" - and disappearing as quickly as possible.

SCORE: 4/10 Nutrition: Our observer awarded points for force-feeding her son broccoli but she seemed to think this was enough. When questioned on giving her son sweets and crisps for a bit of peace and quiet, Kemp threatened to remove our observer from the house.

SCORE: 2/10 Conclusion: Our observer was critical of Kemp's shambolic parenting skills which she justified with a mantra of "well, when I was small, I spent the summer holidays riding my bike around building sites with my mates and I was fine". Our observer will be making recommendations through the national press via the medium of parenting experts to ensure mothers like Kemp are made to feel guilty for failing to juggle looking after her child with work while doing the washing and making tea.

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Publication:South Wales Echo (Cardiff, Wales)
Date:Aug 29, 2013
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