NEVER USE A YELLOW CAB FOR A RAPID GETAWAY.
Our boy Reg called for a cab, gave the driver the name and address of a bank in Little Rock as his destination and, once there, told the cabbie to keep the meter running; he'd only be a minute. He was back pretty quick, all right, but the cabbie was a little suspicious that (a) Reggie came out burnin' shoe leather, (b) had a bag of bucks in one hand and a gun in the other and (c) seemed to be very, very intent on getting back home as quickly as possible.
Little Rock officers reported that Reggie actually seemed surprised when they knocked on his door a few minutes later. Apparently, Reg thought his heist came off really "smooth." It did -- but sometimes "smooth" and "smart" don't necessarily stick together.
State Remedial Reading Class
Dennis Sullivan is a prime candidate for a little schooling. He thought he was pretty slick when he concealed his sawed-off shotgun inside the long sleeve of his shirt. And he certainly seemed organized and determined when he ran up to his robbery target, a delivery van parked outside Bowl America in Manassas, Va., and yelled at the driver, "Give it up!"
Staring into the barrel of a 12-gauge, the confused driver could only ask, "What?" Impatient, Dennis reached in, grabbed a big canvas sack and ran like a thief. Okay, he is a thief, but you know what we mean. The driver, still totally baffled as to why anyone would want to rob him, figured he ought to call the police anyway.
Officers arrived at the bowling alley at about the time Dennis was discovering his loot consisted of a bag full of towels and mop heads -- not quite what he expected. A few seconds later, several Manassas cops were pointing pistols at him and offering him a chance to either replay his version of the Alamo or drop the scattergun. Sources said Dennis initially opted for a glorious shootout, then discovered his shotgun was tangled up so badly in his sleeve that he could neither raise it to horizontal or drop it. Finally, he had to just give up and beg for a little patience and understanding.
Here's the kicker: Why would this clown hold up a cleaning service delivery guy? It turns out the laundry van happens to be the same size and color scheme as the local banking service cash pickup vehicle. The lettering is different, but who reads at better than a second-grade level? Not our pal Dennis. He'll have time to work on that in the little schoolroom in the Big House.
He's Not The Hit Man Type
A gent Polish authorities only identified as Lukasz S. was apparently trying to break into the glamorous business of organized crime enforcement when he tried to execute a man on the street in Bydgozsz -- don't ask how to pronounce that, okay? First, Lukasz' aim was a bit off, and he just tagged the target in the shoulder. Then, trying to melt into the business crowd, he casually lowered his pistol to his side -- and shot himself through the foot. His "blending" attempt didn't work. All the Polish cops had to do was follow the erratic bloody footprints down the street for about half a block. We guess Lukasz will be signing up for that course in remedial assassination.
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|Date:||Mar 1, 2001|
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