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My man's flirting with women on Facebook; dear coleen.


Dear Coleen,

I'm with a new partner after ending a 22-year marriage. My new man was a boyfriend from school years ago - we're both in our mid-40s now and have been together for three years.

He's always been a bit of a ladies' man and cheated on his ex-wife during their marriage. The other night I logged on to Facebook and found his account was open. I looked at his inbox and found he'd sent messages to various young women, telling them how sexy they were and asking them to be his friend!

I'm angry he doesn't say anything like that to me any more - I'm actually not in bad nick for a 46-year-old and I make an effort with the way I look and dress.

At the back of mind, I've always had doubts about his fidelity and I find it hard to trust him, although he's never given me reason to think he's strayed.

I love him, but don't want to waste my time with a "sad" middle-aged bloke who doesn't appreciate what he's got at home and is lusting after women young enough to be his daughters! In the past, I have complained about his lack of interest in me and, for a time, he's a bit more attentive. But he soon reverts back to indifference!

Obviously I can't discuss this with him otherwise he'll know I've seen his FB account. I'd love to hear your thoughts.

Coleen says..

I logged on to my husband Ray's Facebook account and my son told me off for doing it, but if he's got nothing to hide, I think, "What's the problem?" If he's got 500 mates on Facebook, but his wife can't see it, then there's something wrong. I'd be happy for Ray to log on to my account.

I think the deeper problem here is that you can't forget the fact he cheated on his ex-wife while they were married and worry he might do the same to you. If there's any shakiness in a relationship, social networking sites can be a cause of angst.

The next time he's on FB, sit next to him and say, "Lets have a look?" If he's defensive or secretive there's probably a problem.

Maybe he's just flirting with a few women online. Many people think this is acceptable because they've never met them and it's not physical, but if it's hurting the person they're with, it's absolutely not OK.

He could be having a bit of a mid-life crisis. This is the perfect opportunity to feel younger, it's a bit of a fantasy world.

Tell him you're feeling neglected and aren't happy with the way your relationship is going. Try "dating". See if it ignites a spark and helps you both realise why you got together.

It sounds to me like he's taking you for granted and needs a reminder of how you deserve to be treated.

I'm sure there are plenty of blokes out there who would rather go out with you than talk to strangers online.
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Title Annotation:Features
Publication:The Mirror (London, England)
Date:Feb 9, 2011
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