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Monsters Unchained--book review.

MONSTERS UNCHAINED! OVER 1,000 DROP-DEAD FUNNY JOKES, RIDDLES, AND POEMS ABOUT SCARY, SLIMY, SLITHERY, SLOBBERY, SPOOKY CREATURES FOR KIDS AND GROAN UPS, [c] 2014 by Richard Lederer, published by Marion Street Press, 4207 SE Woodstock Blvd # 168, Portland, Oregon 97206-6267. Orders and review copies: (800) 888-4741.

Rich Lederer has come up with the ideal Halloween gift, a collection of jokes, riddles, poems, and funniness that will scare the Dickens out of Halloweeners (or, to be truthful, make them laugh fearlessly).

The introduction to the book brings up the basic question behind the loveable horrors of Halloween: "Why are we so attracted to monsters?" And here is Rich's answer:

"We are somehow drawn to their ugliness. Monsters are ghastly, grotesque, gruesome, hair-raising, hideous, horrifying, and downright yucky creatures. They are so ugly that their own shadows run away from them. They are so ugly that when they look in a mirror, their reflection looks back and screams. And they are so ugly that when they appear in Star Wars movies, they don't wear costumes.... We humans enjoy the wonderful variety of monsters. The morgue the merrier!"

The book contains over 1,000 jokes and riddles and 60 poems. There are 18 monsters that "lurch through these pages in alphabetical order." The cast of creepy creatures includes The Abominable Snowman, Bats, The Boogeyman, Cyclops, Dracula, Dragons, Frankenstein's Monster, Ghosts, Ghouls, Godzilla, The Invisible Man, King King, The Loch Ness Monster, The Mummy, Skeletons, Werewolves, Witches, and Zombies.

The excitement starts with a monstrous parody of Clement Clark Moore's "The Night Before Christmas." Old Clement would probably roll over in his snowy grave if he saw it. Here's the beginning:
    'Twas Halloween night, and all through the house,
   All the creatures were stirring and eating a mouse.
   The monsters had gathered to plan and prepare
   For all trick-and-treaters they wanted to scare.
   Each creature stepped forth and performed energetically
   Their Halloween act and did so alphabetically:
   The Abominable Snowman, known as a Yeti,
   Celebrated the night by tossing confetti. 

Whoops! I mustn't quote any more of this wonderful take-off, or all the monsters might just take-off for me! There are many more monsters in this parody. The ending is very scary. Here's a spooky clue: What do Zombies do to Santa's reindeer? Then what do they do to Santa? You'll have to get your own copy of the book. My ghoulish copy is covered with sweat from reading it.

The book has a "Sicktionary" at the end. It contains words that might not be familiar to some of the readers--doppelganger, flotilla, hemoglobin, etc. Word Ways readers would be familiar with the words, but young spooks might need the definitions to fully understand the jokes.

Let's conclude this review with a tasty selection to tantalize you, brave reader, into acquiring your very own copy. Here is a limerick and several riddles.
    We go ape over King Kong. He's grand!
   Biggest monarch in all of the land!
         You might think he's scary,
         But he's tall, dark, and hairy,
   And has girls in the palm of his hand!
   How did Frankenstein eat his lunch?
   He bolted it down.
   Why did King Kong chase after a werewolf?
   He felt like catching some fast food.
   Why did the tiny ghost join the junior high school football squad?
   Because he heard that they could use a little team spirit.
   What did the math teacher ask the vampire to do?
   Count, Dracula. 

For the next set of riddles, you provide the answers and see how close you come to those in the book. Stumped? See Answers & Solutions.

On what day of the week do zombies cry out?

On what day of the week do zombies eat people?

On what day of the week do zombies scare people?

On which day of the week do zombies drink people's bodily fluids?

On which day of the week do zombies cook people?
COPYRIGHT 2014 Jeremiah Farrell
No portion of this article can be reproduced without the express written permission from the copyright holder.
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Publication:Word Ways
Article Type:Book review
Date:Aug 1, 2014
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