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Mayor 2015, no laughing matter.

(Last week, the Niagara Falls Reporter wrote about various prominent and 22 popular citizens who might get up the gumption to challenge Mayor Paul Dyster next yearfor the coveted position of Niagara Falls mayor.

While some came to think of the column as, at times, slightly tongue in cheek, since the time of its publication, we have come to realize this is no laughing matter.

Accordingly we have had a few thoughts to add to the matter at hand: Who will be our next mayor?)

Niagara Falls has been described as the Middle East of politics. That's a slur, of course, on the Middle East.

The mayor and the 22 challengers run the gamut from soup to nuts. Mostly nuts.

The 2015 Niagara Falls mayor's race is going to be more fun than a barrel of monkeys. That makes sense since Dyster's City Hall is a zoo.

Dyster and 22 possible challengers ... we haven't seen such a scary array of mug shots since our last trip to the post office.

The anti-Dyster forces are al ready planning on keeping Dyster from winning a third term. Even if he wins at the ballot box they're demanding he pass three tests: a polygraph a Breathalyzer and a drug test. "We got him this time," said a well-known Dyster adversary.

Alicia Laible said she has no interest in being mayor, she's holding out for princess.

John Accardo ran for assembly as a Democrat and may run for mayor as a Republican. Johnny Destino ran for mayor as a Republican and is running for state senate as a Democrat. There is absolutely no truth to the rumor that Kristen Grandinetti, who ran for council as a woman ,is going to run for mayor as a man.

Kristen said, if she is elected mayor, she's going to provide free condoms and STD exams for all public speakers at council meetings.

If Vince Anello gets elected, the usual four-year mayor's term becomes three-to-five.

It looks like Glenn Choolokian's plans to run for mayor are over before they started. Dyster has the corporation counsel drafting a minimum height requirement for the office.

People keep telling Ken Hamilton he's verbose. Ken keeps denying it, saying "I'm Baptist."

Sam Fruscione said he'll run for mayor when Mark Hamister breaks ground on his downtown hotel. Looks like Sam won't be running for mayor.

Bob Anderson said he's going to toss his hat into the ring. He's not going to run for mayor he's just going to toss his hat into a ring.

Johnny Destino still declines to talk about running for Niagara Falls mayor in 2015. We completely understand. It's hard to concentrate on losing more than one election at time.

We hear former city cop Sal Paonessa already dropped out of the race: he found out there's no overtime pay and no free donuts for being mayor.

Charles Walker said he absolutely won't be running for mayor saying, "I've been a councilman for 17 years. Why would I want to start working for my pay now?"

Renae Kimble said she'll run for mayor when Charlie Walker files his campaign finance reports. Looks like Renae won't be running any time soon.

Sal Paonessa said the run for mayor is his wife's idea. She wants him out of the house.

Dennis Virtuoso won't be running for mayor. He said he can't afford the pay cut.

No, seriously, Dennis Virtuoso can't run for mayor because of his recent accident. He was on an inspection, he slipped and fell and broke his hair.

So who will win? The past six mayors have been a teacher, fireman, policeman, nun, electrician and beer salesman. Odds say the next mayor will be an undertaker.

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Publication:The Niagara Falls Reporter (Niagara Falls, NY)
Date:Sep 9, 2014
Words:629
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