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Marco makes a meal out of British cuisine; Marco's Great British Feast, ITV1, Wed.

Byline: Lisa Adams

THERE was something nasty lurking in the chilled aisle at Morrisons last night.

Michelin-starred monster Marco Pierre White was on the rampage, leaping out at unsuspecting shoppers and asking them what their oranges smelled like.

Super chef Marco is like a pumped up Gordon Ramsay on steroids - obnoxious, angry and always spoiling for a fight.

"If your oranges don't smell like oranges, you shouldn't buy them," he barked at some poor wifey, who looked like she was going to cry.

"I very rarely step out of my own environment so even me today being in a supermarket is a rarity," Marco explained, looking amazed that Britain's best dishes were not to be found among the rows of value baked beans.

"I'm not saying you will be able to buy roe deer in a supermarket," he added.

Well, actually Marco, they were doing two for the price of one at my local branch the last time I looked.

Or "BOGOF Marco" as I kept shouting at the screen.

The point of this show seems to involve Marco scouring Britain for the most horrible food imaginable while sneering a lot. In fact you could call it the unspeakable in pursuit of the inedible.

His only friend is his pint-sized and long suffering Japanese driver Mr Ishi. Mr Ishi actually looked happy to be involved - perhaps because he was the only one getting paid to watch this rubbish.

Anyway, before the supermarket debacle, Marco shot a squirrel, cooked it and guess what? It didn't taste very nice. Gulls' eggs, worth a whopping pounds 4 each, served with celeriac and mayonnaise made it on to the shortlist as a potential appetiser for his great British banquet with relatively no fuss.

Then someone dared to deliver frozen smoked eels to Marco's kitchen. That was it. The legendary temper which even reduced Gordon Ramsay to tears when he was Marco's apprentice many years ago, let rip.

"I don't want to be filming," Marco snapped.

"Have some f****** respect.

You don't know what I am." Oh, I think we do Marco, I think we do.

If this sorry show is anything to go by, it seems the whole production crew is too scared of the big bad Marco to even tell him to shut up.

It's the grand feast next week. I don't think I will be joining Marco for dinner.

"All I'm doing is fighting for Britain and what Britain represents," he tells us. That's the best argument for independence I have heard in years.

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COLD FRONT: Marco lost his cool over frozen smoked eels
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Title Annotation:Features
Publication:Daily Record (Glasgow, Scotland)
Date:Jul 17, 2008
Words:434
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