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LEAVING the super- imarket, I was met by young boys pestering me for money.

By the time I got to the trolley rank they'd gone... and so had my pound coin from my trolley.

Have kids no respect for old people? I am 79. - James Ross, Caldercruix, Airdrie.

Trolley bad show.


I HAD just finished a meal at a motorway service station when the fire alarm went off. I was disgusted at how many customers made a dash for it without paying. No doubt these same people would be the first to complain if they were done out of anything. - John McDonald, Terrace Street, Kirkcaldy.

More dash than cash.


MY young twins kept racing the length of our garden, pausing and then tearing all the way back again. The game was called "fast forward, pause and rewind." The influence of TV today! - Mrs N. Thompson, Hillsborough, Northern Ireland.

Under remote control.


I HEARD a lady in a cafe tell her young son to "get a seat" because the place was busy. A few seconds later he returned triumphantly carrying one of the cafe's plastic chairs. - Ian McLaren, Edinburgh.


I GAVE my four-year-old grandson a pounds 10 note and told him he should give half to his brother. I only just managed to stop him tearing it in half. - Mrs Margaret Angus, St Leonards, East Kilbride.

A ripping yarn.


NO wonder parents were mad that drink was available at a Scout camp in Stirlingshire. Scout leaders should not be under the influence of alcohol while in charge of boys. - Mrs Margaret White, Moubray Grove, South Queensferry.

Bad influence.


MY three-year-old niece and I usually travel by train each week, but she missed out when she had a cold. Thinking she was with me as I gazed out of the window, I said: "Look at all those moo-moos." The woman next to me said "Yes, cows can be so amusing." She obviously thought I was bonkers! I got off at the next stop. - J. Carter, Hall Street, Hamilton.



WE ordered soda water and lime at a Scottish country hotel. It cost pounds 2.10 a pint - 10p less than they charged for a pint of lager. How can a hotel justify charging this for water? - Frank and Anna Melrose, Condtream Park, Fife.

It would turn you to drink.


ONLY days after the death of toddler Ben Lanchbury in a tragic garden pond accident, BBC Scotland repeated a Ground Force episode devoted to the building of a pond. But there was no emphasis on safety. Surely this should have been stressed? - K. Paterson, Woodburn Loan, Dalkeith.

On the alert.


IF golf is the last bastion of sportsmanship, Davis Love III will not be allowed to lift a club on a course again. His sour-grapes dig that the Open got the champion it deserved should prevent him stepping out on to a tee here or in America. Paul Lawrie beat everyone else fair and square. - A. Ralston, Dumfries.

He's for the iron age!


WHAT'S become of manners? People don't bother to cover their mouths when they yawn. You can see their tonsils! - Mary Robertson, Alness.

Sticks in the throat.

Naked truth on Scott

THE picture on Scott Robinson's TV page is usually a scantily- clad woman. His column is frozen in a time warp. The rest of the Sunday Mail has adapted to reflect a changing world. It's time for Scott to show us his manly figure in boxer shorts on the page. Dare you, Scott? - Mrs G. Forbes, Robertson Drive, Elgin.

He wouldn't be so upfront.

Draw a veil over it

NOW pop sensation Billie has the latest designer accessory - an engagement ring. At 16, she must be off her head to be considering marriage. Take your time and don't follow a trend set by the has-been Spicers! - A. Woodward, Perth.

It's wedded miss.

Hello from him

WELCOME back to The Two Ronnies! Their comeback shows were a delight and knocked spots off all the modern comedy acts, especially the likes of Hale and Pace and Reeves and Mortimer. There's no doubt that Corbett, above, and Barker have still got what it takes. - Andy Brown, Airdrie.

Laughing matter.


Over the edge

I DON'T believe for a minute that there is a curse on the Kennedy family. Wherever there are rich, powerful and famous people you will find that they tend to live life on the edge. And no family fits in to this category better than the Kennedys and JKF Jnr. - Charlotte Macauley, Newtownards, County Down.

Scent of danger.

Cheers, Tony

IT'S great that Labour are bringing out a shoppers' charter to protect us from rip-offs. Will Tony Blair also turn his attention to drinks? How can firms justify the price of beers which look like they were imported when, in fact, they're "brewed under licence in the UK"? - Jill Adams, Greenock.

You're fizzing mad.

Not so sexy

I JUST can't understand why papers keep printing photos of Rod Stewart in his swimming trunks. It's as if his 54-year-old body was some miracle of conservation. With his dosh, plus six months a year on holiday, he should look like Superman. - John James, Thorburn Crescent, Annan.



The escape Houdini couldn't pull off

DID Harry Houdini die during one of his spectacular stunts? - G. Bonnar, Rosyth.

THE 1953 Tony Curtis film of Houdini's life showed him drowning while bound in a tank of water on stage. But the great escapologist - born Ehrich Weiss in Budapest - did not drown. Houdini liked to demonstrate the strength of his stomach muscles and, in 1926, in Montreal he invited a student called Whitehead to punch him several times. The blows damaged his appendix. Houdini continued on tour, complaining of pain, before collapsing two weeks later in Detroit. He died there, aged 52, of perotinitis.

IS Uncle Ben of rice fame a real person? - T. Ross, Carluke.

THE real Uncle Ben was a Texan rice farmer. But the photo which has been on the packets since 1943 is of Frank Brown, a waiter who was picked by the rice company's boss because of his kindly face.

WHO said: "You can run, but you can't hide." - F. Lang, Glasgow.

IT was used by world heavyweight boxing champion Joe Louis before his fight against former world light-heavyweight champ Billy Conn in 1946. Louis won by a knockout in the eighth round.

DID a Scot invent insulin for diabetes? - J. McLean, Beauly.

YOU are thinking of Professor John Macleod, a pioneering Scots scientists who won a Nobel Prize for his part in helping discover insulin in Canda. However, main credit has gone to his colleagues at the University of Toronto, Fred Banting and Charles Best, where the discovery was made in 1921.
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Title Annotation:Features
Publication:Sunday Mail (Glasgow, Scotland)
Date:Jul 25, 1999
Previous Article:The Judge; WHAT A TURKEY!
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