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Mailbox; DOGGONE, IT'S BRAVEHEART!

My nephew, his wife and children visited Neidpath Castle at Peebles.

When 10-year-old Ross saw the cannon, he jumped up waving an imaginary sword and shouted: "I'm William Wallace."

His four-year-old brother Ben followed him, shouting: "And I'm Gromit." - Rena Silvestro, Thornliebank, Glasgow.

Give that boy some cheese!

ROTTEN IDEA

WE'RE told that one reason for genetically modifying foods is extended shelf life. If food was more affordable it wouldn't get the chance to go rotten on the shelf. - Mrs L. Magill, Sandy Road, Glasgow.

Food for thought.

HAIR BRAINED

MY teenage grand-daughter Kerry didn't like her short hair style and wondered what would make it grow quickly. Her mother said: "Try some fertiliser, because it works on the house plants." We are waiting to see the results. - Mrs Nina Watson, Coupar Angus, Perthshire.

Flowers in her hair?

AYR BRAINED

MY sister-in-law wondered how a weighing machine at a chemist's in Ayr knew what she was wearing. She showed my brother a print-out saying: "weighed in Boots". - Peter Fraser, Princes Court, Ayr.

Light relief.

SUMMER SANTA

THE hotel near me has a sign saying: "Book now for Christmas and New Year". And it has not been left over from last year. - F.McInnes, Anderston, Glasgow.

Earlier every year.

NUMBER UP

MY son discovered the car he bought at auction had been clocked. Owners should have to verify a car's mileage at the time of sale. - Rick Powell, Darnhall Drive, Perth.

Miles better.

BILL OF WRONGS

I AGREE with Melanie Reid that Monica Lewinsky set out to entrap President Bill Clinton. But it is frightening that the world's most powerful man did not have the willpower to reject her wiles. - Norberto Guidi, Dennistoun, Glasgow.

AS a Christian, Bill Clinton must have known that the Bible says: "Be sure your sins will find you out." - Chrissie Anderson, Kilmarnock.

SURELY the only person who should be concerned about the President's extra-marital activities is his wife. - Harry Gunn, Gorgie, Edinburgh.

HALF BAKED

I DROPPED a baked potato on my very clean kitchen worktop. "I'm not eating that," my husband said. "It might have germs!" This is the man who buys greasy burgers from a roadside van at 3am. - Mrs C. Davis, Stockbridge, Edinburgh.

Germ warfare.

STREET WISE

MAYBE now that Scots producer Brian Park is leaving Coronation Street we will get some decent story lines. The present ones are terrible. - Peter Dornan, Kinarvie Place, Glasgow.

Not up your Street.

CAP THIS

MY pet fashion hates are baseball caps worn back to front, footballers with Lycra shorts, fat women in leggings, "blondes" with black roots. I wonder what annoys other readers? - Mrs I. Gillespie, Birnies Court, Edinburgh.

Write and tell me.

Online

NEVER mind free TV licences and meals on wheels... more pensioners should aim to grow old disgracefully, like 73-year-old Tony Curtis. He's just about to marry his fifth wife, Jill Vanden Bergstill, a raver of mere 28. - F. Butler, Glazebury, Warrington.

Still going strong.

I AM fed up with reading Scott Robinson's lascivious comments in his TV column. It is obvious he needs those big glasses to keep his eyes from popping out at the sight of attractive, under-dressed young women like Miss Liz Hurley. - Mrs. E. Alexander, Glasgow.

Scott says: "Me, a specs maniac? Never!"

JUST when I was about to cheer Labour's new Industry Minister Gus Macdonald, my mind was blown when I read that the one-time Clydeside firebrand was a big Margaret Thatcher fan. You've got to be joking, Gus.- David Baxter, Drumchapel, Glasgow.

You're dis-Gus-ted.

We pay pounds 20 for the lead letter and pounds 5 for all others used. Letters must be original. Write to Sue Marshall, at Mailbox, Sunday Mail, Anderston Quay, Glasgow, G3 8DA. Fax me on: 0141-242 3587 or e-mails to mailbox@sundaymail.co.uk

JUST ASK

IS Bill Clinton the first iAmerican President to be forced into giving videotape evidence in a case? - T. Hill, Wishaw.

HE is the first to be subpoenaed in an investigation against himself. But Gerald Ford, Jimmy Carter and Ronald Reagan have given video evidence against others.

THE leaders of Afghan-istan are the Taliban. Where is the name from? - A. Forrest, Elgin.

IT means "religious students" and refers to the fanatical Islamic group who started a revolt in 1994.

WHAT is the highest iscore you can get for a single word in Scrabble? - Mrs S. Davidson, Castle Douglas.

MOST points you can get on first go is 126 for Squeezy or Quartzy. But top word during play is Quizzify - meaning to turn something into a quiz. It's worth 411 points when put on the right place on the board. The highest score in open competition was in 1982 when Karl Khoshnaw, of London, got 392 points for Caziques - the plural of a West Indian chief.

CANADIAN dollars are icalled loonies. Why? - E. Deans, Coldstream.

THE Canadian dollar bill has a picture of a loon - a diving bird - on the reverse. - J. Mackie, Bo'ness.

WHAT is the meaning of the letters IRB under the Queen's head on the new pounds 2 coin? - William Allan, Ardersier, Inverness-shire.

I LOVE motor racing, but why is Formula One so called? - Bruce Cooper, Greenock.

A friend said she was in the doldrums. Where does the phrase come from. - Mrs K. Wilson, Dumfries.

How long have cat's eyes been on our roads? - T. Hill, Aberdeen.

Do you have any nagging questions you would like answered? Or can you provide answers? Write to: Just Ask, Sunday Mail, Anderston Quay, Glasgow, G3 8DA.
COPYRIGHT 1998 Scottish Daily Record & Sunday
No portion of this article can be reproduced without the express written permission from the copyright holder.
Copyright 1998 Gale, Cengage Learning. All rights reserved.

Article Details
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Title Annotation:Features
Author:Marshall, Sue
Publication:Sunday Mail (Glasgow, Scotland)
Date:Aug 16, 1998
Words:916
Previous Article:The Judge; NO HIDING PLACE.
Next Article:Who's top of the style class?; Believe it or not one of these kids was kitted out for under a tenner.


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