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Mad world's not for Guy.

Byline: Sue Carroll

AS the Guy-Madonna divorce continues to polarise the nation, every leaked insult makes it increasingly clear this was the couple never meant to be.

Had anyone bothered to feed their details into a dating computer, the computer would almost certainly have said "No". The hard man of British movies wanted TLC, his wife cared only about Madonna PLC. He lived in the pub, she lived in the gym.

Now it transpires they didn't have sex for 18 months, which makes you think Richard Madeley was right when he said the other day that if a marriage founders the rot sets in on the marital bed.

I have a hunch it all went wrong in the bedroom after Her Madgesty banned her husband from having sausages with his Christmas lunch. If he couldn't have his chipolata, then she certainly wasn't going to get hers.

Meanwhile if you're not sure which side you're on in the great Guy v Madonna debate, here's a tick test.

Which rocks your boat?

Jack Nicholson or Jude Law

Keith Richards or Chris Martin

Steak & kidney pie or steamed fish

Red wine or mineral water

Pubbing or Pilates.

Judo

Yoga .

M&S pants or S&M thongs .

Tweed hats or Baseball caps

Ricky Hatton. or Ricky Gervais

(If you ticked Jude Law, Chris Martin, steamed fish, mineral water, pilates, yoga, S&M thongs, baseball caps and Ricky Gervais, you're with Madonna... saddos)
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Title Annotation:Features
Publication:The Mirror (London, England)
Date:Oct 21, 2008
Words:238
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