Mad wannabe models make my day; Telly talk.
IF you think the housemates we get on Big Brother are freaks, you should tune in to the new series of America's Next Top Model.
It's always been a bit bonkers, but this latest one takes the biscuit. Or not, as that would be far too calorific and might mean these stick insects putting on an ounce of weight.
In one way these contestants are slightly more normal than usual, as they're all 5ft 7in and under. But what they lack in inches, they make up for in "personality", and by that I mean madness.
I am dying to know what happened to Amber, the evangelical Christian who makes Stephen Baldwin look like a Satanist.
Amazingly, they put her through to the last 14, even though she shouted about Lord Jesus every other sentence - "thank you Jesus, I'm going to save the world" - wore a big floppy hat, had an hilarious walk, said 'miaow' and boasted about helping the homeless by rapping for them. They must be thrilled.
Yet when the second episode rolled around, Amber had left the show "for personal reasons".
Speculation abounds as to why, but my guess is they decided she was just too mental. We'll miss her, but there are more weird models waiting in the wings, like Nicole (pictured). Her childhood nickname was Bloody Eyeball and she took a rusty wheelbarrow to school instead of a backpack.
Another girl can castrate a cow.
Brilliant! If they could just stop all the hysterical screaming at the mere glimpse of presenter Tyra Banks - who inexplicably started talking in a very silly French accent - this show would be incredible.
To compete, Britain will really have to up the ante with this year's Big Brother and X Factor auditionees.