MR BROCKLEBANK: Brush with Royalty; Is the city becoming far too cultured?
SEEN at the Liverpool Exchange Flags branch of Philpotts sandwich bar was a notice advertisingScouse. But an explanation (''beef and potatoes'') was added in case up market customers were unsure of what scouse was. Is the city becoming too cultured?
MORE Royalty calls Cllr Roderick. On a forthcoming civic tour to the US Deep South the Lord Mayor will achieve his lifetime's ambition to visit Gracelands, former home of his hero and king of rock and roll, Elvis Presley. In his BC (before crutches) era, the Lord Mayor tripped the light fantastic as a trendy disc jockey, wowing countless Liver Birds with his repertoire of Elvis hits. He could guarantee that, by spinning his favourite ``Pelvis'' platters at 45rpm, Merseyside dance floors would be crowded with gyrating young dudes. Now Mr Brocklebank can understand why Creamfields is on top of his ``must do'' civic diary. Groovy, baby. READER Fred Gagen warns Mr Brocklebank that the Gov-ernment's proposed ban on smoking in enclosed spaces heralds changes to the Clean Air Act. He claims that Stage 2 will cover the discharge of body odours (DBO), outlawing the obnoxious practice of Trumping in Public Places (TIPP). Trumping With Audio Accompaniment (TWAA) will incur a spot fine of pounds 100, while Silent (nasally detected) Trumping (TNDF), will be punishable by death. He adds: ``A separate arm of the local constabulary, 20, 000 strong, specially trained to detect airborne pollutants, will be formed after the election. Dressed in Litmus blue uniforms, they will be known as Gas Nannies. ''
IT MUST be funny -- I heard it from a Scouser: Overheard in Tesco's, Rose Lane, Mossley Hill, while queuing for the check-out. One customer asked another: ``Do you mind if I queue jump? Only me electronic tag will go off at 11 if I'm not home and alarm bells will start ringing. '' Clearly, you get a better-mannered scally in the leafy suburbs.
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|Publication:||Daily Post (Liverpool, England)|
|Date:||Nov 17, 2004|
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