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Byline: By Hayley Long

But anyway, the off-shoot is that your fat old trout Mrs Dobbs hates me from then on. Talk about 2nd chances & all that. If God was like this Mrs Dobbs woman, there'd be nothink here now except a shapeless mess. There'd be no light nor people nor nothink. The whole world would be completely mash-up. Bit like Camden Town really. Except with no tourists.

So U can just about imagine my joy a couple of months later, when I'm reading the free newspaper on my way 2 school & I sees this photograph on page 2 of Mrs Dobbs wearing nothink but black rubber underwear & holding on to a whip. I sweer 2 God, man. No word of a lie, it's her. She looks like one of them dirty bitches in them videos that dat twat Eustache used to buy when we all went on shopping trips down to Rue Neuve.

We didn't do stuff like that much as a family but when we did, Mamon would take us on the bus to Place de Broucker and we'd all go shopping in the big stores along Rue Neuve. She'd buy me some new trainers - 'cept I used to call dem baskets back then - & she'd let Wesley choose 1 of those helium-filled balloon things & we'd all have a great time.

Sometimes, even Tante Cecile would show up carrying a shop-new gold handbag & treat me & Wes to little marzipan animals.

The only thing which would stop us from being like a regular happy little family would be Eustache slipping off for an hour or 2 down Rue Adolphe Max where all the hookers & dirty shops wos.

Mamon never said nothink about it but I knew what those videos were like cos I tried watching one when everyone was out of the apartment. Anyway, nuff to say dat even Eustache probably hadn't never seen nothink quite like Mrs Dobbs.

Anyway, the photo yeah, U can't see her face well clear cos she's wearing this sort of a mask but it's her mouth & her mash-up grey hair.

Besides, I don't need to guess cos when I read the writing it's there for me 2C in black and white.

'Christine Dobbs, 54, may have handed out one punishment too many.' I can't remember all of what that article said but I do know that it was easily the most funniest thing I've ever seed in the newspaper.

I sat & laughed at that picture all the way from Camden 2 Golders Green. Although, 2B honest, by the time I'd got on my bus 2 take me 2 Cricklewood Broadway, I was starting to feel less funny about it & more sick. I mean, the woman was an old lady & she was having these sexy parties & things which is disgustink really, when U think about it.

But the good thing was, we was all really lookin' forward to English that day but 4 the first time ever, Dobbsy didn't show up.

We had some supply teacher. Dobbsy didn't show up the next day neither. Nor the next. And then Ms de Haan told us that she wouldn't be coming back cos she'd gone off on long-term sick. Yeah right. Sick with embarrassment, I reckon.

Or maybe, like Peachey said, she'd got whiplash.

Continues tomorrow
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Title Annotation:Features
Publication:Western Mail (Cardiff, Wales)
Date:Nov 2, 2006
Previous Article:A second chance for West Wales and the Valleys.
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