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From time to time and now and then I am accused of being biased against the boys. But they bring it on themselves, do they not?

I mean, let us look at recent events.

First up we have the Child Support Agency getting itself zero points for performance.

Fair enough. The agency HAS covered itself in more glaur than glory.

Not least with its inability to put pennies in the pockets of those impoverished mums and kids which I always rather thought was the point of the thing.

But let us go beyond the CSA's abysmal record and remind ourselves precisely WHY it was ever necessary to set up the whole shebang.

Because large numbers of absent fathers weren't willing to face up to their financial responsibilities, that's why.

Because too many went AWOL without leaving any forwarding address, far less provision, for their kids.

Did any of these men stop to think about what would have happened if their children's MOTHERS had behaved likewise?

But then the skeedadallying dads didn't need to, did they? Because, on the whole, women DON'T dump their kids. Nor do leave them without adequate food on their plates and clothes on their backs. Indeed, they will go without both for the wee ones' sake.

Unlike all those male sexual drones who believed they had a god given right to flit from female to female and relationship to relationship and bed to bed without bothering about the consequences.

Because for them, until the CSA got out its tackety boots and big stick, there WERE no consequences.

So maybe it wasn't ALL men, but it was still a sizeable proportion and oh how they howled and screamed, pleaded poverty and petitioned parliament when they were finally caught with their wallets down.

And won't they be the very ones who will be thrilled if the CSA crashes - lock, stock and backlog?

That is why, for all its imperfections, it must not die while they dance in the street and chuck their condoms in the air.

Safe in the knowledge that once again the onerous, expensive, bothersome business of parenting has become a male-free zone.

And they can continue spending their money on their other pleasures.

Including, of course, their patronage of the oldest profession.

Because in our current panic over prostitution, let us not forget who keeps the trade going.

It isn't the gals, but the guys.

For every ONE of the working girls, there are hundreds of male clients.

Approximately 50,000 Scotsmen buy sex every day - and then, no doubt, go happily back to the nice girlfriends, wives and kiddies at home.

Because although men don't like to admit it, it's the ORDINARY Joes who keep the game going.

It's not merely a few sad inadequates or perverts but - as the Record revealed yesterday - just as likely to be the policeman on the beat.

Or the businessman in his BMW, the randy lad from the pub and the workman dropping in for a quickie at the sauna in his lunchtime.

Think what it would be like if it was WOMEN who paid for male bodies in the same way and in the same quantity.

If thousands of us got into our cars and crawled the kerbs, stopping beside any likely lad and asking him "how much"?

And, if he didn't come up to scratch sexually, to assume we had the right to assault, batter and possibly to murder him.

Because he deserved it. Because he was nothing but a filthy fella.

Because that's what happens to female prostitutes, isn't it?

They get murdered amid much moralising and fulmination.

Not about the terrifying possibility that we could have as many as seven killers stalking the streets of Glasgow.

Not that that those who died were people first and prostitutes second, human beings with lives snuffed out by vicious killers.

No, no. Forget anything like that.

It's the dirty whores' own fault isn't it?

They don't need to be protected. So it's a waste of money and time giving them rape alarms.

Which is one step away from saying it's an equal waste of money and time for the police to investigate the murders at all.

Indeed, that the men who killed these women did us all a favour by putting them down like the two- legged vermin they are.

Give them a medal, not the jail.

It would help if the men - and it IS mainly men - who express such sentiments, stopped and thought seriously about what always has and always will keep the flesh as a commodity.

They do.

Ditto the CSA.

And if men don't want it and they don't want prostitution, then the inferior sex should keep their sexual urges under control and their zips fastened - and we wouldn't need either the agency or the street girls, would we?

CAN you see the London MPs moving themselves off to Leeds or Birmingham if the Palace of Westminster needed a spot of rebuilding?

Of course they wouldn't.

Anymore than the French would shift their seat of government out of Paris, the Spaniards quit Madrid or the Americans yank themselves out of Washington.

Because parliaments are for capitals. There is NO other place for them.

And, for good or ill, Scotland's capital is Edinburgh.

Which means that even if D. Dewar can't quite stomach the thought of Calton Hill, he must still find another temporary site in Edinburgh until the permanent one is built down at Holyrood.

GLORY hallelujah. At last someone is investigating that prime pillock Jeremy Clarkson and his mission to make our roads ever more dangerous.

And if the broadcasting watchdogs can muzzle him and his motors they'll be doing us all a favour.

Not only because he encourages the boy racers with his puerile wheel spins, flying gravel and squealing brakes.

But because Clarkson is the living embodiment of the sort of gent who thinks the size of his equipment is all that matters.

The biggest engine doesn't necessarily give the best performance, Jeremy, even if - ESPECIALLY if - it's the fastest.

Put that in your bonnet and smoke it.

Vroom, vroom.
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Title Annotation:Features
Author:Burnie, Joan
Publication:Daily Record (Glasgow, Scotland)
Date:Mar 13, 1998
Previous Article:HEART AND SOLE!; The Great Scottish Walk 1998.
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