Printer Friendly

Losers will sink without a trace.

Byline: KEVIN O'SULLIVAN

As regular readers of this column will know, my approach to TV criticism is measured and statesman-like...

Which is why, in my infinite wisdom, I decided to take my time before passing judgement on the 100th series of the Beeb's funniest comedy show, The Apprentice.

Sorry, the 10th series. But what's the difference? It'll always be the same. The only things that ever change are the various outmoded titles showered upon Cockney sparrow Alan Sugar and his trusty telly sidekicks.

This year it's "Lord" Sugar and Baroness Brady. What can we look forward to in 2015? King Al and Queen Karren? Either way, commoner Nick Hewer's got some catching up to do.

JOURNEY Anyway, here we go again as a bunch of handpicked losers embark on a (yawn) "journey" that has already turned them into the nation's village idiots.

Can't believe the swimming teacher's gone! Presumably, the jarringly unsuitable Lindsay Booth was specifically chosen so that His wisecracking Lordship could unleash his hilariously scripted aqua-puns.

"You're drowning... you've been treading water." Shame he didn't squeeze in "out of your depth".

But everyone deserves a third chance. So after his conviction for two violent assaults, it's great to see "multiple business owner" James Hill reinventing himself as an on-screen joke.

"I'm the most passionate, hungry person you're ever going to meet," he insisted. I'm sure the bus driver he kicked and punched in a frenzied attack and the guy whose ear he tried to bite off would wholeheartedly agree.

Apart from squiring fellow contestant Lauren Riley, what's a dubious little man like this doing on a flagship BBC1 programme? For that matter, what's a camp Canadian social worker doing on an alleged test of business acumen? Ditto, dim hypnotherapist Sarah Dales who believes very strongly that women should wear lots of make-up and short skirts. Not to mention the high-flying "pub quiz company director", whatever that is. And the go-getting "fitness entrepreneur", whatever that is.

Enough. We all know why these no-hopers have been plucked from the parochial obscurity for which they were designed...

Because they're entertainingly stupid. And, as such, can be relied upon to make complete fools of themselves in the familiar tasks the Beeb has been unimaginatively recycling for a decade.

Why are there 20 "candidates" this time? So that Lord Sugar of Hackneyed can fire more of them. More humiliation... more laughs.

In the disappointingly dull candlescent challenge, as always, the team you thought was doomed to defeat, won.

Geordie Kate and her yellow wax warriors remembered "the margins" and left Roisin's sell-at-any-price manic street creatures squirming in the boardroom.

"Shaddap!" shouted Sugar as his desperate victims unedifyingly begged for their survival.

Strange that dear old Al genuinely seems to take this "process" seriously. Do you? Thought not.

For the record, I enjoy this formulaic pantomime. But not as much as I used to when the gags weren't so ragged round the edges.

Loved watching "Jimmy" Hill being ruthlessly cut down to size. Careful Your Lordship... he might hit you. And I cheered when that appallingly dressed dork Robert got his marching orders.

But I just wish that Britain's wonderfully creative television industry could once in a while come up with something new.

Soon, we'll all be glued to The X Factor, Strictly, I'm A Celeb... and The Apprentice. Exciting? Or depressing? You decide...

CAPTION(S):

Rank: Queen Karren, King Al and Mr Hewer
COPYRIGHT 2014 MGN LTD
No portion of this article can be reproduced without the express written permission from the copyright holder.
Copyright 2014 Gale, Cengage Learning. All rights reserved.

Article Details
Printer friendly Cite/link Email Feedback
Title Annotation:Features; Opinion Column
Publication:Sunday Mirror (London, England)
Date:Oct 26, 2014
Words:570
Previous Article:Ladies wot lunch with no dignity.
Next Article:They've all had their chips.

Terms of use | Copyright © 2017 Farlex, Inc. | Feedback | For webmasters