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Ladies, wear your burka and hide all that flab from sight.

Byline: By Dan O'Neill South Wales Echo

THERE are some things about September I wont miss at all. Like that monstrous regiment of women who are truly monsters parading our streets in crop-tops displaying acres of leprous, pimpled flesh hanging over too-tight leggings, showing wobbling cleavage as deep and depressing as the Avon Gorge. Theyve even inspired a whole new glossary of words describing their slobbishness from muffin top to bingo wings. Lets face it, more than 30,000 people a year die of flab. Specialists talk of an obesity timebomb as our one-in-five elephantine adults will become one-in-three by 2020. After ambling round Cardiff, I reckon were well ahead of schedule. Here it looks more like one-in-two and that one is a helluva lot bigger than most twos, if you get my meaning. The tragedy is that there are so many young women among them. Maybe we should follow the more fundamentalist Muslims and wedge em into burkas. Its not just a question of aesthetics. Obesity costs the NHS an estimated pounds 1bn a year. It should be regarded as a self-inflicted wound, fatsos should be told, you can have your treatment when youve lost half your body weight. But now, as any walk around our city centre will tell you, gruesome obesity seems regarded as the norm. You see them waddling past, leaving behind them their disgusting trail of trash, everything from half-eaten hot dogs to fag packets with their killer warnings. So what chance have their kids got? Remember, this is a society where children have to be taken into care to protect them from gluttony, where an eight-year-old boy weighs an astonishing 14 stone. But, as I said, as the days grow shorter and colder, relief is on the way. If not bring on those burkas.
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Publication:South Wales Echo (Cardiff, Wales)
Date:Sep 26, 2007
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