LIONEL'S ONE IN A PILLION.
Now, Father Ted he ain't. This priest is a judo expert and motorbike fanatic.
But though he dresses in leathers, Lionel is an affable soul who just likes probing the spooky.
One of his investigations on Fortean TV featured The Goat Sucker, a weird creature from Puerto Rico which is blamed for killing thousands of animals.
It's said to look like a kangaroo, with a pig's snout, huge slit eyes and big pointy ears (sounds like Julian Clary in a bad mood).
Other examples were, it must be said, a load of tosh.
The world's first televised autopsy was carried out on a mermaid from Java. It was made of wood.
Then an English schoolteacher spoke of straw raining down on him from a clear blue sky.
Hay, that happens stacks of times. It's just pink elephants making their bed.
Next along was a "miraculous" bun that's supposed to look like Mother Teresa.
The only miracle is people seeing a face when nun's there. Still, it was good for a laugh... Teresa jolly good bellow!
Another curiosity was from Turkey, where fish are said to cure your ills and clean your teeth.
Not easy to explain but, as they say, cod moves in mysterious ways.
And so to presenter Alice Beer and another programme with bizarre claims... Face Value. Here, an American, Susan Stevenson, said she can increase a woman's bust size... by hypnosis.
Would it work if MEN tried the mumbo-jumbo?
Just imagine skin-and-bone model Kate Moss's boyfriend dangling the old watch- chain for hours and muttering to her: "Look into my eyes.
"When you awake you will have Pamela Anderson's bust.
"Look into my eyes. When you awake...
"AW, FORGET IT!"
It was easy to believe Food and Drink's claim that most of the pints pulled in Britain are under- filled, making room for the head.
Then they added: "Landlords said they'd be happy to give top-ups."
Happy, eh? Well, I can't swallow that.
In fact I'll put it to the test this very afternoon. Strictly in the name of research.
I hadn't a clue about the killer's identity in Taggart, which explored the bizarre power religious fruit-cakes can exercise over ordinary people. It was gripping from start to finish.
But surely the writers stole the idea of death by frogs, fire, locusts, boils and so on from the ancient Egyptians.
Sounds like a clear case of plague-iarism.
Heaven knows the attraction of forensic pathology, unless it's the challenge of passing stiff exams.
But McCallum, with John Hannah, and Silent Witness, with Amanda Burton, are about pathology and, despite all the gory bits, both are quite gripping.
They're surely also the only shows where, when the director yells "Cut," the stars takes him literally.
Shelagh's just what the doctor ordered
There's nothing unusual about seeing a doctor in Boots... it IS a chemist's after all.
It's just a pity Shelagh McLeod, who plays Dr Kate Webster in Peak Practice, doesn't dress like this on-screen.
The heavy story lines have been crying out for a bit of light relief, and all we've had is Dr Shearer falling in a pool of farmyard mud (it was a Sunday, too... glaury, glaury, hallelujah).
Now Shelagh's character - a real Doc Sunshine - is heading south.
It's bad news for Cardale but great news for Bristol.
As they say... every McLeod has a silver lining.
Hooked on Hugh
DEAR Des O'Connor gave Hugh Grant an easy time, barely mentioning that infamous dalliance with hooker Divine Brown.
But Hollywood Lovers didn't miss him and hit the wall.
The guy was crucified, not for what he did, but for being caught in public.
If Grant had looked up Yellow Pages, he'd have avoided all the Hugh and cry.
RASPS AND ROSES
MANY of our readers are finding Ruby Wax anything but a gem. Mrs A. Davis of Oban, for instance, writes: "She looked a right tart on board that yacht... is there nothing she won't do for an interview?" And J. McLellan of Ayr adds: "The series is only two shows old, and already her yacking and posturing are driving me nuts."
LIFE is rosy for James Macpherson in his lead Taggart role as Mike Jardine. Says Ann Smith of Edinburgh: "Roses to James please. Despite the tragedy of losing Mark McManus, he and Blythe Duff really shine in their expanded roles. His performance in the latest three- parter was outstanding."
DARK SKIES: Watch out, X Files. I can't take my eyes off this brilliant sci- fi series for a minute. - Mrs Angela Chalmers, Alloa.
OVER THE SHOP: This entertaining morning show is good enough to justify an evening slot. - James Lawrence, Aberdeen.
MORECAMBE AND WISE: I disagree that this series of reruns should be scrapped. Not everyone has seen these wonderful shows. I am 17 and I'd love to see ALL of them. - Pauline Triad, Glasgow.
BLIND DATE: This show has long served its purpose. The contestants have ruined it. - R. Morris, Coltness, Wishaw.
COUNTRY NIGHT: Hats off to BBC2 for this fabulous, outstanding insight into country music. Let's have more of the same. - Andrew Hamilton, Busby.
1 Mission Impossible
2 The Rock
3 The Truth About Cats and Dogs
4 Heavens Prisoners
5 From Dusk Till Dawn
8 The Juror
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|Publication:||Sunday Mail (Glasgow, Scotland)|
|Date:||Feb 2, 1997|
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