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LAST NIGHT; It's a rap as wimp meets the pimp.


JARVIS COCKER impersonator and Mr Muscle lookalike Louis Theroux finished his latest series with a gangster flourish.

The man even Hugh Grant could call a wimp decided to become the first middle-class gangsta rapper

More Pimms than Ice T, Louis travelled to America's Dirty South, New Orleans, to meet up with real-life rappers and find out if he could "be real".

The stuttering toff almost fainted at his first interviewee - Q-T Pie, a female rapper whose language would make Ali G blush.

Although a college graduate, she reckoned she was hardcore - both in her music and her porn films. She claimed a body double did the dirty deeds, but then Demi Moore said the same thing about Striptease.

Despite the flash of boobs and the shock of seeing real guns, bad ass Ice Louis wasn't convinced and travelled to meet Mellow T.

Looking like a cross between a London City trader and the Avengers' Steed, Mellow T was proud of being a pimp as well as a rapper, his ill-gotten gains financing his music.

Louis and Mellow rapped together, but our English wannabe got tongue- tied trying to rhyme miscarriage of justice.

Louis spoke to a rap poster creator whose clients were either dead or in jail. After working out, Louis would rap about his glasses, red wine and cats - the poster made him look like Bond's Blofeld.

After meeting another Master P - real name Percy - a multi-millionaire thanks to gangster rap, Louis felt he was ready to take his crown.

His first rap - "Jiggle, jiggle, I like to see you wiggle, it makes me dribble, do you fancy a fiddle" - was more Vanilla Ice than Flava Flav.

Louis was appalled when they rhymed Fiat with bitch - but finally they got a rap going and it won on a radio show contest. A fix surely.

Louis spent the episode looking like a startled rabbit rather than a bad gangsta rapper - and ended up more enema than Eminem.
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Title Annotation:Features
Author:Fulton, Rick
Publication:Daily Record (Glasgow, Scotland)
Date:Oct 31, 2000
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