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KEVIN O'SULLIVAN: KICK OUT JUSTINE "".

Byline: KEVIN O'SULLIVAN

CONGRATULATIONS Fed. You are the weakest link.

It's an impressive achievement to be even more useless than the rest of the Big Brother losers currently boring the nation to tears.

After ballsing up both of the incredibly tedious but childishly simple tasks this Scottish no-brain has proved that he is literally the lowest of the low.

Thanks to farcical Fed's pathetic performance on the pedalo and Cub Scout handbook, everyone has to subsist on starvation rations. They are so hungry that Terrible Tanya has finally stopped talking about her sordid sex life.

Now the preposterous pop tart is obsessing on food.

Meanwhile, gargantuan Gos had the bare-faced cheek to say that he was turning to skin and bone. Yeah, right.

Talking of fat people, human jelly Justine will hopefully get the heave-ho tonight. But unfortunately boring Jon is doing his level best to offend all and sundry as the eviction poll nears its conclusion.

Branding God "a pretty nasty chap" should gain the Christian vote. The fool's deity debate with Orkney-dork Cameron was stunning in its ignorance.

Meanwhile the next task, I understand, is called napalm surprise. The performing seals will be handed flame-throwers to incinerate their risible rivals.

Naturally, Fed won't be able to work out how to use his gun.
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Publication:The Mirror (London, England)
Date:Jun 6, 2003
Words:215
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