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John McBlain's column: Miss World move to Portadown..; The Sunday Mirror columnist who tells us what's happening in Norn Iron; IT'LL BE A RIOT.

Byline: John McBlain

THE organisers of the Miss World contest have decided to move this year's beauty pageant from Nigeria, a country riven by sectarian strife, to the eminently more tranquil surroundings of Portadown. As a result of the move three more local entrants may be included in the line-up. They are:

Miss Stoop - Brid Rogers is a well-preserved protege of John Hume and she hopes: for an end to child poverty, world peace, and some day that she will beat Sinn Fein in an election. Her vital statistics are 20,000 incinerated sheep, pigs, and cattle.

Miss de Meaner - Babs de Bruin is a former blonde bombshell turned constitutional nationalist who one day hopes to be Miss Sovereign United Irish Republic. Her vital statistic is a 32 county Ireland.

Miss Conception - Iris Robinson - accompanies the lovely Peter to Parliament in order to maintain the razor -sharp crease in his trousers and occasionally soothe his fevered brow. Her vital statistics are: 1690, and 6 into 32 won't go.

CAPTION(S):

TIGHT-LIPPED: Bairbre de Bruin; RAZOR-SHARP: Iris; ALTERNATIVE: Brid over troubled waters
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Title Annotation:Features
Publication:Sunday Mirror (London, England)
Date:Dec 1, 2002
Words:181
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