Jest a minute.
* A young preacher was asked by the local funeral director to hold a graveside burial service at a local cemetery for a man with no living family or friends.
The preacher started on his way to the cemetery early, but quickly got lost.
Eventually, half an hour late, he saw a backhoe and its crew nearby eating lunch, but there was no hearse in sight.
The diligent young pastor went to the open grave and found the casket already in place. Taking out his Bible, he read the whole service. Feeling guilty about his tardiness, he conducted an impassioned and lengthy service, sending the deceased off in style.
As he returned to his car, he overheard one of the workmen say to another, "I've been putting in septic tanks for 20 years now, and I haven't ever seen anything like that!"
James Rogers, Bogata, Texas
* A man walks into a store and says to the clerk, "Tomorrow is my wife's birthday, and I would like to buy her a beautiful fountain pen."
The clerk smiles and motions to a display case and says to the man, "A little surprise for her, huh?"
"Right" the customer says, "she is expecting a Cadillac!"
Ted Maslanik, Orlando, Fla.
* A police officer pulls over a driver after watching his car travel recklessly down the road.
"Do you realize that you just ran two traffic lights and three stop signs?" the officer asks.
The driver shakes his head "no" and reaches over and whacks his dog.
Confused, the officer asks, "Why did you hit your dog?"
The driver says, "My seeing eye dog must have Fallen asleep."
Sherwin Allen, Gowanda, N.Y.