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James Whitaker column: Dear James.

YOUR mate Prince Philip was interviewed recently on TV by Joanna Lumley. While the rest of us are trying to put food on the table and waiting for hospital beds, Philip was 'going on' about near-extinct birds in Australia.

I wish he was extinct. And you. D. Taylor, St Helens JW: What? Get rid of two rare and delicate creatures? There's such a thing as a protected species you know.

I LOVED your story about Luis the Letch but can I clarify something? I assume the reason he brought polo into disrepute was because he committed hanky- panky with a stable girl rather than having the good taste to seduce one of the players' wives (or even all of them). Liz Evans via e-mail

ONEthing I like about you, Jimmy the Wit, as we name you. You do have the bottle to answer all the sarky letters thrown at you. Good luck and best wishes. Gene Roberts, East Lancs Road Liverpool JW: It's a question of sticks and stones.

HAVINGput that sludge-pump Edmonds (Noel) in the right bracket could you, would you, do the same for Barrymore? How about a creep- a-week-'til-Christmas? Please keep it coming. John Osborne Harold Wood, Essex JW:

What a deliciously destructive thought.

YOU persistently complain of hand- shaking in church. Are you sure you are in a place of worship and not a Masonic lodge? I fear you may have over-indulged the cheap supermarket champagne - what? JV Stolton, East Way, Bournemouth

JW: What a suggestion! Anyway, let's say "reasonable" rather than "cheap".

COULD you be the same James Whitaker who is mentioned in a book I read? This JW was caught in the woods with a cameraman trying to spy on Prince Charles bonking a thick tart. I can't believe it was you because you are a royalist and there's a name for people who do things like that. Alan Clay via e-mail JW: Doesn't sound like anything I would ever do.

You can e-mail me at james.whitaker @mirror.co.uk
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Title Annotation:Features
Author:Whitaker, James
Publication:The Mirror (London, England)
Date:May 20, 2000
Words:337
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