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It Tykes all sorts to make a world.

Byline: By Bob Cuffe

I've lived in North Yorkshire for nearly two years now ( and I think it's starting to have an effect.

North Yorkshire ( it has a certain ring to it. So much better than Yorkshire, don't you think?

North Yorkshire still belongs to the North-East. Yorkshire belongs to Geoffrey Boycott. To the past. Yorkshire ( Fighting Change Since the 1300s.

For some inexplicable reason, there seems to be an extraordinary pride about being from Yorkshire.

We were camping last year, sat minding our own business by our tent. Three rough blokes arrived. They got their chairs out, their ample supplies of beer, and started looking around.

One lad caught our eye ( and introduced their group ( his first words being: "We're from Yorkshire."

Behind him his mate was urinating against a tree, which reinforced the message I thought.

Why would he think we'd want to know ( nay, need to know, straight away?

To Yorkshire folk, their regional identity is the most significant thing about them. How does a Yorkshire alcoholic introduce himself at an AA meeting? I bet his first words are: "My names Tom, and I'm from Yorkshire."

The milk here is branded Definitely Yorkshire. I'm milk and I'm from Yorkshire. What the hell is that all about? I cannot imagine others following. Definitely East Midlands? The milk tastes exactly the same as everywhere else. I expected it to be unpleasant. Opinionated milk. Milk that voted No. Not In My Back Yard milk.

You can imagine the Yorkshire Brand Management Team meeting to discuss Definitely Yorkshire. They'll all be men. The women will be cooking, vacuuming and ironing. The Chairman, whose father was the Chairman, and were both called Stan, starts the meeting.

"Reet, lads ( this Definitely Yorkshire malarkey. What about milk?"

With that, through the clouds from our pipe-smoking gurus, interrupted only by the barking from whippets, the men slowly nod.

Jebediah, whose family has lived in the same house since 1066, says: "It's alreet with me. Milk comes from cows. Always has. Always will. Definitely Yorkshire."

With that the team get on with their coal sandwiches. Milk doesn't require new thinking. Just new cows every so often.

Definitely Yorkshire. No nonsense. Straight as a dye. Beer, not your fancy dan lager nonsense. The Yorkshire dart board ( the county in a nutshell. The rest of us with our poncy trebles. Women's dart boards. Yorkshire dart boards just have doubles. They're right. The rest of the world is wrong. Always have been.

Yorkshire did get it spectacularly right with the Pudding. And I'll fight any man that disagrees with me.

And I believe Roast Beef was first discovered in Yorkshire. But Huddersfield is in Yorkshire, as is Leeds United Football Club.

If milk is Definitely Yorkshire, what else fits this proud brand? Cloth caps? No redesign needed there. The cap is here to stay. The brick? Rickets?

What would Definitely Geordie, Wearside or Northumbrian mean?

robert.cuffe@btinternet.com
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Publication:The Journal (Newcastle, England)
Date:May 19, 2006
Words:490
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