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Inner peace and you.

The foremost source of inner peace can be found in human intimacy. Human intimacy is not merely achieved by relating. It involves a more basic step of working towards harmony and integration within the self.

Earnest Tan, writer-speaker on Values Education Program of Miriam College Graduate School suggests a process of building intimacy within one's self.

According to him, "No matter how much a person relates with others, if that person is not at home with herself/himself, that person will not be able to arrive at true intimate relationships" (Tan, 1998). The examples given after each either a personal experience or insights taken by the writer from other sources.


This is the need to explore the present self-image, the sense of values and identity of a person. You will need to explore your values which currently influence your decisions and actions. By defining yourself, you begin to open the possibility of redefining the person that you are towards growth and happiness.

For years, I was almost advanced that being an Ibaloi mean being "shy"; a negative connotation derived from the expression "shiyay kami mango". In 1999, I met Paridan Bassit (may he rest in peace) an elder at Togoy, Baayan, Tublay who explained the, context of shyness or "baing" in the light of the Ibaloi culture. This, he said is the guiding principle for maintaining community relationships. "Baing" is being ashamed to do evil to your neighbor and mothers. Unacceptable behaviors shown or done to others is "kababain" (shameful).

I learned from Lolong Paridan that looking back, understanding and appreciating my culture are the firm foundations of my identity as a person.


You are invited to continue the journey by going back to your past and to the basic foundation of your personhood. You try to relive and reflect on your experience in the family, particularly the relationship and reflect on how your family has both negatively and positively contributed to the development of who you are now.

You will also reflect on your life history and explore Where your life's movement is leading you. Looking at the past always provides us with a perspective for the present and the future.

During self awareness sessions, participants always find it difficult to look at the pains of their past. When they are asked to share about it, they would either choose a small part of their past for sharing. Others would say that they wouldn't like those pains to come back.

Reliving and reviewing the history of one's life would entail acceptance of the reality of the past arm "forgiveness" of its hurts and pains Fr. Thomas Paul David Naval (1992) said "that each person has his own "brokenness". It is when we are broken that we are challenged to give more of ourselves ... and to love more ... He used Jesus as an exam pie during communion. The Christians are reminded during the breaking of the bread how He suffered, the greatest humiliation Of dying on the cross because of God's great love for humanity.


You ask yourself what seems to keep you from moving forward and growing fully in your life as a person. Get in touch with your paralysis and begin an initial healing process. Yon bring back to home to yourself some areas which society has taught you to alienate your body, your sexuality, your feeling and your self-worth. You assess your stresses in life and guard against its adverse effect on your physical, emotional and mental well-being.

Florence is a mother who considered her rather to be the greatest block that challenged her. Her mother died when she was still a child. Her father married another woman not long after so Florence was totted to stop studying and work instead. She shared that she is paralyzed by her inability to forgive her father. Even if she has her own family now, she has kept the anger deep inside her, She realized however that keeping anger in one's heart will not make her a good parent. So she struggles to overcome her paralysis to finally forgive her father.


You are challenged to project your own death and come to terms with death so that you may feel the urgency for full living and identity what you envision more for your life. Death becomes a friend as it teaches you to live life more fully.

Earnest Tan shared that what he would like to be written in his epitaph when he dies is: "Here lies Earnest, a gentle presence whose life was spent for the struggle to be true to one's self ..." His vision is to help people discover and accept who they are.


Putting Our Lives in Perspective. This is to assess and situate your present development in the context of your total growth potential. This will serve as "roadmaps" from which you can identify where you are, where you want to be, and how you can effectively move from where you are to where you want to be.

How to assert lovingly is a skill which I identified as lacking in me. What can I do about it? Consult and share ideas with elders, peers and professionals. It can also help when I read books related to the topics above.


You identify areas for development and work out a growth contract for yourself.

In the hope of becoming a more loving person, I will do my best to learn and exercise better assertion skills. I know I have succeeded when I am able to resolve at least two conflicts with both parties "winning."


Tan, Earnest. 1998. Human Intimacy, The Psychological Dynamics of Personal and Interpersonal Relations. Values Education Program, Miriam College Graduate School, Quezon City.

Recollection notes with Fr. Thomas Paul David Naval, Good Shepherd Center. 1992

Informal Interview with Paridan Bassit (+), 1997.

Self-Awareness Session for Mothers and Youth. June-September 2003. Kapangan and Tuba, Benguet.

Personal Reflections from the writer

Digna Adonis was a participant of the Project GROW (Enabling Women to Become Gender-Responsive Writers). She works at Shontoug Foundation. Inc.
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Title Annotation:paths to peace
Author:Adonis, Digna L.
Geographic Code:1USA
Date:Oct 1, 2003
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