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I lust for man the same age as Dad; BRITAIN'S MOST STRAIGHT-TALKING AGONY AUNT.

Byline: Rachael

Q I AM 24 years old and have been married for just under a year. My husband is 23 and we've both only had one other sexual partner.

We are really in love and very happy but recently I have found myself deeply attracted to an older man. He is a maintenance engineer at my work and 46 - almost my dad's age.

He has made it clear that he fancies me too and when I was in the canteen recently he came and sat with me and had lunch. I felt myself getting incredibly aroused and I'm sure if I'd made a move he would have responded. I obviously don't want to be unfaithful, but this urge is so strong that I don't know if I can stop myself.

Maria

A OF course you can stop yourself - the question is whether you want to. Getting married does not mean you suddenly stop finding other people sexually attractive, but if you love and care for your husband as much as you say you do you will never act on these urges, however powerful they may be.

Take a long hard look at your relationship with your husband and ask yourself if there is anything more than lust behind your unsettled emotions. If so, talk to him and work things out. In the meantime, avoid the maintenance man.

Bitchy ex family in legal bid for son

Q MY former mother-in-law is a horrible, vindictive woman and we can't stand each other. But now she is threatening to take me to court so that she can see my son.

She hated me from the day we met and when I married my husband - who is an only child - she told me on my wedding day her son had married the wrong woman. When our child was born two years ago she always tried to visit when I was working so she and my husband would have him to themselves.

My marriage broke down last year and my son lives with me as my ex travels a lot on business.

She says she will take legal action to get access to her grandson but I'm terrified she will try to poison him against me.

Louise

A WHAT is your ex husband is doing in all this? Sitting back and letting mummy have her way, as usual? How dare he?

You need to sit down with him and tell him your son comes before everything and you won't have him used as a pawn like this.

If she wants to see her grandson she can do so when his dad is there. If she persists in these threats you should take expert advice yourself to head her off at the pass.

Try your local Citizens Advice Bureau, or call Relate (as they have plenty of experience of the fall-out of marriage splits).

Worried sick mum is cheating on dad

Q I'M worried that my mum is having an affair. She had one last year and it caused terrible rows and almost drove my dad to a breakdown.

She claimed it was all over and they went for marriage counselling and seemed to be a lot happier.

But I have overheard some strange phone conversations and seen some emails that make me sure it is all back on again. It's making me sick with worry for what it could do to my dad. Should I tell him, or talk to her, or just try to ignore it. I'm 19 by the way - not a kid.

Joel

A YOU don't have to be a kid to be terribly affected by your parents' marital problems -but it is not up to you to try to make them happy again.

You don't know for sure that the affair has started up but if your mother is in contact with this man and your father doesn't know it is likely to cause new problems. I would speak to your mum as calmly as you can and tell her you are worried.

Explain that you love and care about her and your father but are finding it hard to keep this a secret. Ask her to have nothing more to do with this man, or be honest with your dad, as you do not want to cause him pain by telling him yourself.

My stalker friend needs urgent help

Q MY friend has developed an unhealthy crush on a TV personality. She is obsessed with this man, who lives 40 miles away and travels to his village, even following him around the shops. She has had her picture taken with him and bought his books so he could autograph them. She even tells people she has just started dating him, although this man is married and has never given my friend any indication he fancies her. She is young, attractive and wasting her life. What can I do to snap her out of this obsession?

Theresa

A IT sounds as if your friend has already developed a serious obsession with this man that is bordering on stalking.

Many lonely or disturbed people fixate on TV stars because that box in the corner seems to bring them into their homes and lives.

The celebrity may unwittingly reinforce their feelings by showing them kindness in stopping to talk to them, or allowing their photo to be taken.

I doubt you alone can persuade your friend this is all in her imagination. Try to persuade her to see her GP as she may need some psychiatric help.

What's the root of pain in my groin?

Q I GET a dull ache in my left testicle and sometimes it feels quite hot. I've checked carefully but I can't find a lump - nor can my wife. I'm scared it's cancer but could it actually be something else?

Harry

A IF you haven't injured or twisted your testicles then it may be just an infection.

Testicular cancer rarely causes pain or discomfort. It is the commonest form of cancer among men aged 18 to 35, but curable in 99 per cent of cases.

Go and see your GP to set your mind at rest.
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Title Annotation:Features
Publication:The People (London, England)
Date:Nov 29, 2009
Words:1029
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