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I have no emotions after my rape ordeal; dear coleen.

Byline: Coleen Nolan

Dear Coleen,

I'm 23 and broke up with my boyfriend almost a year ago.

I cried every day for six months, then a guy I wasn't interested in noticed me and kept pushing his luck.

Finally we clicked, but I told him that I didn't want a relationship and that I'm not the type to sleep around.

He began to get angry and forceful, but I wouldn't back down.

Eventually he spiked my drink and raped me. I could feel I was drugged, but I remember everything, including not being able to fight back.

When I saw him again, I pretended that I couldn't remember anything and he swore that nothing happened.

I've felt numb ever since and I hate the person I've become because I now have a "don't care" attitude.

I never reported this to the police or went to my GP, but I have been checked out and everything is fine.

I've also just found out that I'm not the first girl he's done this to.

My emotions are building up and they just won't come out. I've got back with my ex, but my emotional state is affecting things.

He knows what happened and wants revenge, even though I've said I don't want any trouble.

Coleen says..

Firstly, the most important thing to know is that none of this is your fault. While this person deserves to be punished for what he did, only you can make the decision to report him to the police.

But what you absolutely must do is deal with the emotions you've kept locked inside. You need to talk to a counsellor to help you come to terms with what has happened.

Perhaps some of your anguish is down to the fact that you feel he's got away with it.

I'd urge you to contact Rape Crisis (www.rapecrisis.org.uk, 0808 802 9999), which has centres across the country providing specialist counselling and support. They can also give you details about police procedures and the justice system.

You should also confide in your GP, who can refer you for counselling, and consider telling your parents, although I know that can be difficult. As for your boyfriend, I can well understand his anger, but violence isn't the answer. You need love and support to get through this - stop trying to struggle on your own. Good luck.
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Title Annotation:Features; Opinion, Column
Publication:The Mirror (London, England)
Date:Nov 3, 2011
Words:398
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