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I can't find woman to have my babies; JOAN'S SOLUTION.

Byline: Joan burnie

Q MY problem is very simple but apparently impossible to solve. I am in my late thirties. I am solvent, not bad looking with a nice house and car.

Over the years I have had my share of women but, because I have had to move around the country a lot, my relationships have inevitably been short term.

But now I'm back at our head office for the foreseeable future, I am ready to settle down. However, where do I find the sort of woman I would want to have my kids?

I look at all these women today with their drinking and their promiscuity and, to be frank, I wouldn't touch them with the proverbial barge pole.

I tried dating agencies, who sent me a series of desperate older women, divorcees and single mothers.

It was the same online. You think you've found your Miss Right and you arrange to meet and you find she's Miss Wrong.

I have thought of going for someone abroad, but that too is a risk- so what else can I do? I don't want the kind of girl who hangs around bars and discos.

A I'M not hugely sure that /A the kind of girl you want, / whether she hangs around discos or otherwise, would necessarily want you.

In fact, I am not convinced your dream woman exists.

So I think you have got to be a whole lot more realistic, especially about yourself and what you have to offer.

You seem to think that now you're ready to settle down, women should be falling over themselves to grab you.

Not only that, they should, in the old fashioned phrase, have "saved" themselves until you came along.

But you're not exactly Prince Charming are you? More, from the sound of it, a John McCririck. While a decent house and an expensive car are, no doubt, pluses, it's what you are, as a person, which really counts.

I should also be very wary about taking up with anyone who WAS more attracted to your worldly goodies than your character and personality.

That, after all, is why we have all heard of so many horror stories about gents, particularly those who are past the first flush, who go looking, or to be more accurate, buying themselves foreign brides.

The men think they'll find the equivalent of a geisha, someone who'll pander to their every domestic and sexual need without expecting too much in return.

Of course, chances are, the minute the apparently subservient new wife lands her man, along with a marriage licence and passport, she becomes a lot less devoted.

In short, although it can occasionally workout, it's a risk and one I think you are sensible to avoid.

But, it seems to me that you're still on the hunt for that geisha, the only difference is that you want one with a British accent who'll happily treat you like a little tin God.

Furthermore, she mustn't have much of a past and, preferably, be a teetotaller.

You also seem to think, although you cheerfully admit you've been around the blockmore than once yourself, that your own previous track record is irrelevant.

In other words, it's all right for you to indulge in brief, short-term relationships -what some people might well define as promiscuity-but not for any possible future wife and the mother of your children.

Don't you think that is just a little hypocritical?

Meanwhile, when you're dismissing all these "desperate older women" aren't you a desperate older man? You've sowed your wild oats and now you want to make hay, or rather babies, with, as far as I can judge, some virginal 20-something. As the Irish say, catch yourself on.

If you don't, then you will end up living on your own for the rest of your days.

No one is going to come knocking at your door so you'll have to put yourself about a whole lot more. That means becoming involved in something where you'll meet new people. And note, I say people.

Put the wife hunt on one side. Instead, concentrate on widening your circle, male as well as female.

Find an activity you can enjoy and become immersed in. As always, go for friendship first and romance second. But I doubt it'll turn up at all if you continue with your rigid, as well as unrealistic, criteriafor some mythical Miss Right.
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Title Annotation:Features
Publication:Daily Record (Glasgow, Scotland)
Date:Oct 13, 2006
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