I WENT TO KILL HIM; UNITED IN GRIEF ANGUISHED MUMS DRIVEN TO REVENGE Distraught mother waited in ward to slay her husband GISELLE'S STORY.
I paused. Think about this, I told myself. I had brought no weapon.
I would have to use whatever means were at my disposal. I could strangle him? Smother him? Drag the tubes, with their life-saving medication, from his body? I didn't know yet how I would do it. I would know when the time came.
Green curtains around a bed. An arm handcuffed to a bracket on its side. A foot lying outside the coverlet.
A police officer was by the side of the bed, sitting on a visitor's chair.
Watchful. I hadn't expected this. I was gripped by a sudden fear but my feet had taken me into the ward, dragged there by an unconscious desire to get closer to Ash.
He had been taken there to recover after being burned in the car he had set alight after killing my children.
The policeman looked in my direction, no hint of recognition in his eyes.
It was visiting time, I cast my eyes downwards and kept walking, joining the crowd that was filling the ward.
Don't attract attention. What was I to do? The crowd had started to dissipate. Patients and visitors were exchanging greetings. I was alone.
Then I saw the old man.
I looked around frantically. No one else had entered the ward.
The old man lay alone. He obviously did not have any visitors. Heaven knows what instinct carried me to the side of his bed.
If a late visitor did arrive to see him, the game would be up. I took his hand and stroked the old man's hair.
Five minutes passed, then 10, then 20. I never took my eyes off those green curtains.
I watched a nurse disappear behind them, then a doctor.
They both emerged minutes later after doing whatever it was they had come to do to sustain a life not worth saving.
Thirty minutes passed. The policeman was immobile. Forty-five minutes. My eyes on the green curtain. Any second now I would be discovered, denounced and dragged away. It didn't happen.
But I could not sit here forever. Visiting hour was drawing to a close.
All these individuals surrounding me would merge back into a crowd and make for the door. I decided I would go for the direct route - walk back up the ward and lunge suddenly at Ash, in the hope I could damage him before they dragged me off.
I replaced the old man's hand on the coverlet. He was still asleep, still oblivious.
I stood up and walked slowly towards the green curtains. Something stirred in the policeman.
It was impossible. I knew that I could never barge my way past him. I almost wept. I came level with the green curtains that hid this useless creature who had no place in any decent world. He would not even know I had been here, would never realise how close he had come to dying.
I emerged into a day that was still summer and that still managed to be normal.
The world went about its business and I returned to the dark place on the silent hill where my babies had been laid to rest.
Foiled: Giselle got within a few feet of killer Kalyanjee on hospital visit Monster dad: Kalyanjee, right, stabbed his two young sons, Paul and Jay-Jay Only way out: Giselle and June both sought to end the lives of the men who ruined theirs, but ultimately could not go through with it