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I'm mad as hell: three reasons why Lundry's pissed off this month.

1. FAUX-HAWKS

Can somebody please explain to me what the hell is going on with this? They seem to be multiplying when I think they should be completely eradicated. What are "they?" I like to call them "faux-hawks" (other terms include "bro-hawks," or if the hair is curly, "fro-hawks"). I know you've seen them too, and I hope you don't have one. Someone thought he was going to be punk--but not too punk--so he trimmed the hair on the side of his head and left a strip of longer hair down the middle. When Blink 182 or whatever pseudo-punk top-40 mall-friendly band plays his town, out comes the hair gel and up goes the "faux-hawk." But most of the time, it flops over and just sits there, looking tame and un-punk so the guy doesn't get teased at work, fired from his job, or shunned by his parents/peers/girls/etc. This haircut is not punk. It's just stupid. And the wearers of this 'do aren't fooling anyone. At least with a mullet you're either so out of it that you don't care or ironically hip enough to know you're looking like a dork on purpose. With a faux-hawk, the wearer actually thinks he's getting punk cred. If you're gonna get a mohawk, get a real one. Shave the sides bald for Christ's sake. Related to the fan-hawk affliction is the salon dye job. If you spent $60 getting your hair dyed in a "punk style" at the salon, you're a kook and should be hanging your head in shame next to the dudes with the faux-hawks.

2. TRUE SMITH GRINDS

What is the deal with the long-endangered Smith grind? These days, anyone who touches a rail down on a grind going in is hailed as doing a Smith grind. I'm sorry chumps, but there is a difference between lapping over and actually doing a Smith grind. If you aren't locked in, truck grinding close to the heel (frontside) or toes (backside), side of the board touching the coping (or rail or ledge) and actually sliding diagonally you ain't got a Smith. Nice try though. It's what makes Smith grinds hard. With the rapid trendification of pool skating, I've seen this a million times. You want a Smith grind? Check footage of Mike Smith in the old days. Some of the best in the business? For frontside I might have to 4 say Micke Alba, the late '80s/early '90s lip wizard. For the backside variation it's hands down to the inventor, Monty Nolder.

3. "PUNK" BANDS THAT PLAY SLOW AND CONCENTRATE MORE ON THE "LOOK" THAN THE "SOUND"

I got pissed off just the other night when I saw a band featuring some old member of some famous "old school" punk band. I was checking out the gig and getting increasingly pissed off: sure. there were tons of faux hawks and expensive dye jobs in the house, but what really got me pissed was that the band was playing slow drivel and the kids were eating it up. Then the singer said they were going to "kick it old school style" (what the luck?) and they played a selection of classic punk and HC covers that were super fast and balls-out. It was the best part of the show. But after three songs, it was back to the same mid-tempo crap that would pass as a slightly sped-up ballad, with sing along choruses designed to increase audience participation. On top of the shitty music, the band had "the look:" wifebeaters, the right tattoos, chain wallets, slick hair, etc. When pseudo punk bands get on MTV and make millions of dollars, I can see how kids' ideas of what punk is changes: it's no longer a "movement" or even a "community," but a commodified "look" and "sound." Please, wake me up when it's over, I can't take it anymore.

ART BY MICHAEL SIEBEN
COPYRIGHT 2005 High Speed Productions, Inc
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Author:Lundry, Wez
Publication:Thrasher
Date:Nov 1, 2005
Words:653
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