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I'M THE BIG FAT No1 B**** R; THE UNKNOWN 'NERD' WHO'S TOP OF THE CHARTS.

This is mystery chart-topper Jyoti Mishara who stunned the pop world by rocketing to Number One with his FIRST EVER single.

But the roly-poly rocker is the least likely pop star you'll ever meet.

Jyoti admits to being an internet nerd and when asked about his new-found fame, the astonished student said: "Look at me I'm a big fat b****r.

"I was a fat computer geek at school and I'm about as far from rock and roll as you can get."

The 30-year-old pop phenomenon stormed the charts with his song Your Woman, Abort, Retry, Fail - recorded in his bedroom

He was making a rare visit to his record company in west London when The Mirror tracked him down.

Chunky Jyoti, dressed in a huge khaki zip-up coat, outsize black jeans and black shoes, totally lived up to his "nerd from nowhere" tag.

Executives at Chrysalis Records did all they could to present him in a trendy way.

A distorted PR photo accompanying the single shows him wearing dark glasses and a slick haircut.

But in reality his glasses are more milk bottle lenses and NHS than Armani, and his hairstyle is more physics GCSE student than pop star.

The latest pop sensation, from Derby, said: "I love the Internet."

He spent the days before his chart success surfing the Net on the World Wide Web.

Jyoti added: "I have to keep pinching myself. I'm trying to keep my feet on the ground - but it's difficult.

"Imagine waking one morning and there's some guy at your door with a big gold bar and he says: 'Here you go, take it.' That's what it's like."

Jyoti now has to choose whether to follow a career in pop or carry on studying for his university degree.

The man who describes himself as a "sad, fat anorak" is due to take his final exams in Films, TV and Sociology at Derby University in June.

Jyoti has a small, close circle of friends but spends most of his time in front of his computer screen or in his music studio bedroom.

He started playing keyboards when he was 12.

During the 1980s he played in a local band and made an appearance on top kids show Razzmatazz.

Then, he said, he "sank without trace".

Disillusioned with groups he formed his own one-man synthesiser band and did "loads of frightening gigs". His most mem- orable was at a club in Burton on Trent, Staffs, where he played to an audience of National Front skinheads.

He said: "Surprisingly they weren't very happy to discover their night's entertainment was to be a fat Asian bloke with a headset mike and Militant stickers on his synth.

"Have you ever tried singing live while dodging fireworks thrown at your head? The only reason I escaped with my life is that they liked my cover version of What Do I Get."

He formed a band White Town in 1989 and brought out a debut single.

But just as the group was attracting a following, fellow band members dropped out and left him as a solo artist.

Jyoti said: "As you can see, I was pretty firmly ensconced in the anorak underground."
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Author:Daniels, Bill
Publication:The Mirror (London, England)
Date:Jan 21, 1997
Words:532
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