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How tickled we are.. We mark Doddy's 90th with his best gags.

Byline: TAMMY HUGHES

COMEDY legend Sir Ken Dodd turns 90 today but shows no sign of hanging up his tickling stick yet.

In fact the knight of comedy is not only still going strong after 60 years in showbiz, he's still performing in shows all over the world.

And to celebrate his big day, we relive some of his very best and chucklesome one liners

Did you hear about the shrimp that went to the prawn's cocktail party? He pulled a mussel.

My dad knew I was going to be a comedian. When I was a baby he said: "Is this a joke?"

I have kleptomania. But when it gets bad, I take something for it.

Do great comedians come in cycles? Yes, some do, but others prefer to walk to work.

When we do an early show we get a lot of pensioners. It's like a scene from 50 Shades of Beige.

Age doesn't matter unless you're a cheese.

I've seen a topless lady ventriloquist. No one has ever seen her lips move.

Five out of every three people have trouble understanding fractions.

She was a big girl - she could stir fry a leg of lamb. She tried the "speak your weight" machine. It said: "To be continued."

My teeth are all my own. I just finished paying for them.

How do you make a blonde laugh on a Sunday? Tell her a joke on a Wednesday.

Honolulu's got everything. Sand for the children, sun for the wife, sharks for the wife's mother.

How many men does it take to change a loo roll? Nobody knows - it's never been done before.

I told the Inland Revenue I didn't owe them a penny because I lived near the seaside.

Try shoving an ice-cube down your wife's nightie - there's the chest freezer you wanted.

What a beautiful day for sticking a cucumber through someone's letterbox and shouting: "Help, help, the Martians have landed."

Why did the blonde stare at the bottle of orange juice for two hours? Because the label said concentrate.

Men's legs have a terribly lonely life - standing in the dark in your trousers all day.

tammy.hughes@trinitymirror.com

CAPTION(S):

birthday boy Comedy veteran Ken is 90 today

having a laugh With poster for his 1988 show in Southport

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Publication:The Mirror (London, England)
Date:Nov 8, 2017
Words:382
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