Holyrood bright sparks strike again.
Byline: Shari Lows.firstname.lastname@example.org
THIS week's esteemed PISH award (Poor Illumination Shames Holyrood) is on the way to our hallowed halls of dim wittery, where it was revealed that PS500,000 was spent replacing the lights in the foyer because it was too dark.
The more astonishing revelation was that the lighting was designed that way, with the idea being that the visitor would experience the sensation of coming into a cave or a castle vault, with the lights getting stronger as they proceed through the building.
Charles Rennie Macintosh could have worn a balaclava backwards and still spotted that this was yet another in a long list of cash-draining Holyrood idiocies that will have future generations wondering what bright spark authorised it in the first place.
IN the name of the holy Jude Law, shocking rumours reach us that Ben Affleck and the adorable Jennifer Garner may have split because he had an affair with their nanny, who has now been relieved of her duties.
According to reports, Mrs Doubt-fired is now holed up in a Bel Air hotel and in talks to star in three different reality shows.
Oh, and natch, she's already hired a PR company because she's hellbent on capitalising on the situation and making a career that brings fame and fortune.
I've no idea if any of this is actually true.
But it does make you long for the good old days when Mary Poppins sported a brolly and a spoonful of sugar, not an Instagram account and a publicity guru on speed-dial.
SPLIT Jennifer Garner and Ben Affleck
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|Publication:||Daily Record (Glasgow, Scotland)|
|Date:||Aug 13, 2015|
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