Hello, is that the cooncil? There's zombies all over my close; Local authority tips to escape the living dead.
YOU'D expect your local council to be prepared for icy roads, floods, even the odd royal visit. But ZOMBIES? It's true though. Some of our local authorities are offering guidance to citizens on how to handle a sudden, slobbering invasion of the undead.
Now don't get the wrong idea. Hard-pressed public servants are not wasting scarce resources drawing up official plans to fight horror movie monsters who, frankly, aren't real.
But a freedom of information request has revealed that two of our biggest councils, with tongues firmly in cheeks, will give informal anti-zombie tips to anyone who feels moved to ask.
Glasgow, where Brad Pitt zombie movie World War Z was shot in 2011, provide a link to a YouTube video on what to do if the evil dead over-run your close. They also recommend a book, Zombie Survival Guide: Complete Protection from the Living Dead.
Aberdeen City Council, meanwhile, suggest that citizens find "a cohort of individuals" good at video games, since that's the only place, apart from films and telly, where zombies might actually be found.
Other councils gave the zombie inquiry short shrift. Perth and Kinross replied: "There are currently no indications that Perth and Kinross, or anywhere in the world for that matter, is at risk of attack from zombies.
"Should this change and a zombie threat is identified in the future, we will consider the implications and plan accordingly."
PROBLEMS WITH THE UNDEAD? zombieresearchsociety.com
NOT ACTUALLY REALKILLER zombies
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|Publication:||Daily Record (Glasgow, Scotland)|
|Date:||Jan 4, 2014|
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