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Hearing strange voices in a pub.

This chap walked into a pub, ordered a drink and sat down. "That's a nice suit, sir," a voice said. He looked round but no-one was there. "That's a very nice suit, sir," said the voice, and he realised one of the peanuts in a bowl on the table was speaking to him.

Which was strange.

After a few minutes, he went to the cigarette machine and put in his money. The machine rejected the cash and said: "Get lost. Go on, clear off." The man fed the coins into the machine once more, but they were again rejected. "Go on, get lost, you ugly moron," it said.

The man went to the barman and said: "What's going on? The peanuts say how nice my suit is but the cigarette machine tells me to get lost."

And the barman replies: "I'm sorry about that, sir. The peanuts are complimentary but the cigarette machine is out of order."

(Boom, boom).
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Title Annotation:Features
Publication:Huddersfield Daily Examiner (Huddersfield, England)
Date:Aug 13, 2004
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Next Article:The Diary.

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