He refuses to discuss vanishing acts.
Q MY husband thinks everything can be solved by having sex.
If he's been out late and I can't contact him and he comes back smelling of drink, or even some other woman's perfume, all he thinks he's got to do is to get me into bed.
He won't explain or talk about it.
When we married 10 years ago, we had an incredible sexual relationship. In some ways, it's still very good.
When everything is going okay, I still enjoy making love with him.
But every few weeks, he'll ring and say he's stopping out for a drink with the boys and he'll be back soon.
Then he switches off his phone and the "soon" stretches into hours or even overnight. When he does eventually swan back, all he wants is sex but, by then, I am so wound up and angry that I don't.
So he gets angry back and says I am frigid and is it any wonder he doesn't want to come home when he knows I'll have a face like fizz on me?
It'll go on like that for a couple of days until I calm down. I do love him and I think he loves me, and he's a good dad to our kids. I have tried to explain how I feel when he behaves in this selfish way and I've begged him to at least keep his phone on.
But he says I am paranoid and he has to be let off the leash sometimes.
So, Joan, am I being as stupid as he says and putting my marriage in danger?
A IT'S very hard to make love to someone when you are feeling furious with them.
And, from everything you've said, you have every reason to feel angry about your husband's behaviour.
Of course, he's allowed to have his nights out but he should tell you where he's going, who he's with and when, approximately, he'll be back.
Nor can I see why he switches his phone off. After all, there could be times, such as some kind of an emergency at home when you really need to contact him. In short, I don't believe you are either paranoid or unreasonable.
But he is certainly the latter. But getting him to admit he's in the wrong won't be easy. Maybe you, too, should go off for the evening, refusing to say when you'll be back and staying out of touch all night.
I doubt he'd like it - not least if you came back smelling of some bloke's aftershave. If that doesn't appeal, then I think you have to consider counselling.
The pair of you might find it easier to discuss this problem in front of, as it were, an impartial referee.