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He's no vriend of mine.

Adultery is one of the Shalt Nots; in fact, it is almost two of them. Turn to Exodus 20 and you'll find the seventh commandment says, "Thou shalt not commit adultery."

Continue reading and you'll discover that the 10th Shalt Not reads, "...Thou shalt not covet thy neighbour's wife..." (nor shall you covet, we assume, him himself, or for that matter her husband either).

Moreover, strictures against adultery run throughout the Bible. Old Testament and New. (Best to ignore the fact that Jesus was quite jolly with the woman caught in adultery. See John 8:7. Evidently, the Pharisees brought her before Him all ready to rock `n roll and stone her to death. To which Jesus said, "He that is without sin among you, let him first cast a stone at her.")

Except for that one, or maybe two, inadvertent lapse, the Bible is totally in agreement that adultery is not phat.

Especially when women do it. See King David and Bathsheba below. Or King David and any number of other women.

But never mind. Stack all those strictures against adultery up against a coupla measly verses about homosexuality, the most famous of which lives in Leviticus, and you'll understand the source of my concern.

You see, I am about to buy a great old funky building in Calgary, turn it into condos and make a bundle.

I don't want any adulterous renovators working for me. I do not wish the hand of an adulterer touching any toilets or painting any pristine walls in my pricey new apartments.

Logic and science are both on my side. Adulterers have long been responsible for many sexually transmitted diseases, (syphilis, gonorrhea and herpes to name but a few) and have long been dreadful role models for the good Canadian youth who have every intention of committing monogamy. So it's easy to see why I don't want any of them involved in the restoration of Cockburn's Condos.

And trust me, I can pick adulterers out a mile away. They have that certain shifty look about them. They drift about in bars using dreadful lines like, "Hello there sweetheart I've lost my phone number, can I have yours?" That's the male ones. The female adulterers wear skimpy clothes and look inviting.

They don't need to say anything.

To add to my worries, my new building has retail shops at street level and I do not wish to rent, or sell, to adulterers. Retailly or apartmentally.

If I employ adulterers, rent or sell to them, I am condoning their lifestyle and as a fine upstanding member of the community, I cannot in good conscience do that.

And then there's the whole matter of the way adulterers flaunt their lifestyle in public in front of the rest of us. How often for example have you seen some 60-year-old married executive with a balding ponytail kissing or fondling even, his trophy bimbo in some chic bar.

What I say is Not In The Chic Bar in My Building. And have you not encountered some wealthy married woman in a tony restaurant with her hand placed lovingly on the thigh of her current boytoy.

Not In My Tony Restaurant is what I say. To top it all off, adulterers often boast about their exploits. To each other and to the rest of us who are disgusted by and don't want to hear about their behaviour. Don't ask, don't tell is my motto when it comes to adultery.

Now I suspect that the moment I refuse to employ an adulterer...or fire him the second I find out he has lied to me about breaking the seventh and part of the 10th...or refuse to sell an apartment to her, one of them will rush off to various unelected Supreme Courts, provincial and federal.

And should this vile person win and I be forced to hire an adulterer, let me warn you of the dire consequences. In no time at all, tolerance for the adulterous lifestyle will be taught in our schools. Our children will be forced to read about King David and Bathsheba.

This, instead of teaching our children the truth: Monogamy is normal, adultery is not. People ARE monogamous, whereas they choose to be adulterous. Except perhaps when women commit adultery it's a lot more abnormal.

Giving special rights to adulterers represents, I say, an open door to a slippery slope rife with banana peels upon which the morals of our country are likely to slide into a morass of degradation.

Let us keep the adulterers of this nation in the motel rooms where they belong. Not in our places of employment or other public domains.

Cockburn's Condos ought to be ready for sale by September 1, 1998. Costs run from $89,000 for a studio up to $279,000 for a two bedroom. Retail shop rents range between $25-55 per square foot. Be prepared to file an affidavit stating that you are not a practicing adulterer, that you are as god intended you to be.

Monogamous.

It's not that I'm prejudiced against adulterers. No, no. I love the adulterer. I just hate the sin itself.
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Author:Cockburn, Lyn
Publication:Herizons
Date:Jun 22, 1998
Words:859
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