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HOUSE OF THE RISING DUMB.

Byline: Kevin Osullivan

BIG Brother... and selfstyled tough guy Chris declares: "I fancy eating an onion... it puts hairs on my chest."

Yeah, Chris... very manly. One day it might even make your voice break.

And so Channel 5's moronic inferno trundles on. And on...

Who ate all the sausages? Who gives a damn? Except cretinous country bumpkin Laura who clashes with her fellow females and sobs: "Girls never like me."

Big surprise. I'm guessing boys don't go a bundle on her either.

Meanwhile, eat your heart out Casanova... you've met your match. And his name is Luke Scrase. An old-school romantic, fluent in the language of love.

Marvel at this great seducer as he works his magic on trashy Ashleigh...

"I want to smash your back doors in," he whispers. What woman could resist such charm and sophistication? Not Ashleigh, that's for damned sure. She wraps her legs around Luke's face and purrs: "Don't you start doing stuff like that on national television."

Translation: "Start doing stuff like that... it'll get us on national television." Ashleigh's no fool. Or is she?

CAPTION(S):

Luke's a dis-Scrace
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Title Annotation:Features
Publication:Sunday Mirror (London, England)
Date:Jun 17, 2012
Words:187
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