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Good news/bad news.

Well, here we are smack dab at the back end of dead solid meteorological summer, and the shortening of the light seems to have inaugurated a season of good news/bad news for George W. Bush, the Democrats, polar bears, Iraq, you, me, pretty much everybody. Allow me to illustrate.

The good news is George W. Bush pulled off a secret mission and flew to Baghdad in the dead of night. The bad news is he only stayed five hours and then came right home.

The good news is Ben Roethlisberger is going to be OK. The bad news is that diagnosis is based on the sliding Gary Busey scale.

The good news is oil prices went down. The bad news is they're right back up again.

The good news is Iraq's future is in its own hands. The bad news is Iraq's future is in its own hands.

The good news is Karl Rove is not going to be indicted in the Valerie Plame case. The bad news is Joe Wilson got his hands on some curare.

The good news for the Republicans is they won the special election for Duke Cunningham's 50th Congressional District in San Diego. The bad news is they had to spend the GNP of Estonia to do it.

The good news is Al Gore's film, An Inconvenient Truth, is a box office success. The bad news is the sequel is a real downer.

The good news is Bill Frist's gay marriage amendment went down in flames. The bad news is the flames were put out by the drool dripping out of his mouth just thinking of the flag burning amendment he had in his back pocket.

The good news is Ann Coulter is discrediting herself all over the place. The bad news is apparently she really believes the crap in her new book and there's plenty more where that came from.

The good news is a new poll says that the public is disgusted with the Republican Congress. The bad news is they don't think much of the Democrats either.

The good news is Tom DeLay has retired from his Congressional seat. The bad news is he now walks among the general populace disguised as a human.

The good news is Saddam Hussein has been restrained to stop him from storming out of the courtroom in the middle of his trial. The bad news is the only effective exit strategy in Iraq has now been stymied.

The good news is Senate Democrats have scuttled a Republican attempt to eliminate the estate tax. The bad news is all their kids are really pissed off.

The good news is Michael Chertoff has determined New York City is without any national monuments and therefore safe from terrorism. The bad news is Michael Chertoff gets to determine anything.

The good news is President Bush has resolved to stop taunting the world at large with his tough-guy, he-man posturing. The bad news is Iranian President Mahmoud Ahmadinejad is taunting the world at large with his tough-guy, he-man posturing.

The good news is President Bush got to look Nuri al-Maliki eye to eye. The bad news is Nuri al-Maliki has to sleep with a chicken foot under his pillow to counter the curse of the evil eye.

The good news is U.S. air carriers are expected to be more crowded this summer than any time since 9/11. The bad news is one more cut in service and they'll have to tear out the seats.

The good news is the World Cup soccer tournament is over. The bad news is the World Cup soccer tournament is over.

The good news is Tiger Woods is back on the PGA Tour. The bad news is he's playing like me.

Comic, writer, actor, radio talk show host, sun worshipper Will Durst thinks he could fit in the overhead compartment.
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Article Details
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Author:Durst, Will
Publication:The Progressive
Geographic Code:7IRAQ
Date:Aug 1, 2006
Words:647
Previous Article:On the Third Anniversary of the Ongoing War in Iraq: a letter to Hayden Carruth.
Next Article:The great liberal debate.
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