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Get out of it, Kathy, while you still can.

THERE must be something in the water in the Yorkshire Dales this week. How else would you account for Kathy's behaviour in Emmerdale?

She's so het up with this protest against Tate haulage trucks that she ends up chaining herself to a lorry and gets arrested.

She's had some life our Kathy has she not? Blimey. Arrest, near-death experiences, marriages (numerous), dead husbands, psycho boyfriends, etc, etc

Anyway, elsewhere Emily gets angry with Ashley because he's sleeping with Bernice. Now that Emily one - okay, she's upset because Butch died on her wedding day- but please, do me a favour and someone give her a good shake.

Am I the only one in the world who cannot suffer her voice, and are there really people like that in Yorkshire villages?

And what about poor Andy? He's a nice kid, but he's not a very happy one is he?

He's got the weight of the world on his shoulders, and this week he is struggling to cope with Sarah's hypocrisy as she reprimands him when he lies about where Ollie has been hiding out.

And she's the one who has been giving her toyboy lodger a little more than bed and breakfast.

True to form, Ollie, the little devil, lets their little secret slip this week. Oh no. Drama indeed!

Moving swiftly down the road to Manchester, and Coronation Street, little Sarah- Lou is creating all sorts of problems as she announces she wants to give her baby away.

You can imagine this will cause all sorts of consternation among the good folks of Weatherfield, and, more importantly, will provide the Street with a good week's worth of `will she, won't she' storylines.

No doubt we'll still have to suffer Rebecca and Martin moaning and groaning, and crying and arguing.

Elsewhere, Emma thinks Curly is going for a job in Scotland and, after only a brief encounter, their affair will be over. But no, it's Nita - she's the one who's off.

Quite frankly I hadn't noticed she was still around. And what about Steve? Even with Jez in jail for the murder of Tony (why, and do we care?) he's still scared. Oh, well, he should just get in one of his taxis and head for the hills then shouldn't he?

I mean, it's not as if anyone would miss him. Maybe when dad Jim moves on later in the year, he'll take his miserable son with him.

Now, farther south still to EastEnders, and who can I rant about here? Well, Dan of course. That man with the orange tan. Has he not gone yet?

This week Dan is causing everyone grief, the meddling man. But he'll get his comeuppance yet. Or will he? Pat's already had it with Roy, and Peggy and Frank are not happy bunnies either. Thing is do you blame Pat? God no. She should've told Mr Wimp- of-the-year, Roy, to sling his hook long ago.

In Family Affairs this week, Josh returns. Yasmin is stunned to see him back.

Well, you would be wouldn't you. Your new husband runs off to the sun with someone else and then comes back a few months later deciding he wants to make a go of it.

And Yasmin's been seeing Declan hasn't she. Well, I know who I'd pick. That Declan, he's a dish.

Elsewhere, Pete is still causing problems. But that is what he's good at, after all.

Back up north to Chester, and Hollyoaks. And Ruth. I hate Ruth. I'm sorry, I just do. I hate her for tormenting Kate Patrick, but she just takes the prize every time for `most annoying soap person'.

This week she's having an abortion. Or is she? And Luke, poor Luke, he's lost it and tries to end it all this week.

So would I if Zara was my sister. But, no, I might just kill her instead. Ok, don't all write in at once, it was just a wee joke, okay?

Anyway, in Brookside, Jimmy's not getting out of his bed, and Sinbad would be as well not getting out of his the way things are going.

It looks like Dave has worked his way back into Bev's bed, the foolish woman. And that's that, so if you don't mind, I'm off to mine.
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Title Annotation:Features
Author:Brown, Merle
Publication:Daily Record (Glasgow, Scotland)
Date:May 13, 2000
Words:714
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