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Get fell in, dishy Deb is by her bed!

Army wife Deborah Briggs is standing by her bed, offering all her equipment for inspection in a way that would make any RSM stand erect in ITV's Soldier, Soldier.

Desperate to dodge the bailiffs while her old man is away on an exercise, she turns to prostitution - going on the Army game - which would surely have been interesting news for all lonely, neglected privates on the garrison.

With her torrid taste in fashion - all red and orange lycra items - she certainly wouldn't have looked out of place in Band of Gold. But actress Laura Howard, warmly recalled for her role as Tammy in So Haunt Me, has given a difficult part a perky style and swagger.

Army wives have certainly changed since the days of Leslie Thomas's Virgin Soldiers when they made strawberry jam and tended lawns.

Dishy Debbie has already faked pregnancy by swapping test samples, been busted for drugs possession on her hen night, sacked from her waitress job and fought with a neurotic neighbour who subsequently barbecued herself.

She has certainly made Soldier Soldier spring to attention!

Golden crown is big change

This week's Super Blooper is from Jean Evans, of Wrexham, North Wales. She says: "In Pie In The Sky on Sunday they had a golden half crown which looked like a pounds 1 coin covered with gold paper. The old half crown was silver and much bigger than any existing coin." Sharp-eyed Jean wins pounds 25.

If YOU spot a TV cock-up, send details on a postcard to: Super Blooper, The People, 1 Canada Square, London E14 5AP.

Lanning panning

Mastermind, which ended its 24th series this week, has become part of the British way of life, like Sing Something Simple and dank Bank Holidays.

It was oh-so-English that the series was won by a vicar answering specialist questions on Gilbert & Sullivan.

Britons will surely never be slaves as long as there's Mastermind.

But it was no mastermind who scheduled this series slap against Coronation Street on ITV.

That's like pitching Stupid Boy Pike against Rhino on the Gladiators' Gauntlet. Stick the 25th series back on Sundays where it belongs.

Borgias of Brookside!

Now the awful truth about the incestuous sex between Nat and Georgia is out in Brookside (Channel 4), the House of Simpson is gloomier than Glasgow Rangers' dressing room after a European Cup match.

Even hitherto well- balanced dad Ollie Simpson is raving... fitting padlocks on his naughty offspring's bedroom doors and threatening to douse them with cold water.

Some family!

Nat and Georgia have been bonking since they were under-age; gorgeous Georgia admitted being into drugs and having more one-night stands than Mick Jagger; Mum Bel had been so sexually repressed she jumped on a toyboy and was sacked for sexual harassment...and Dad Ollie admitted he'd been a hippy with a taste for magic mushrooms who encouraged his kids to walk around naked.

They make the Borgias look like Mavis and Derek Wilton.

Brookie usually handles controversial storylines - like date-rape, wife abuse - with great skill. But the Shocking Simpsons shenanigans are gloriously OTT.

It is vintage, pungent soap, though!

Zo far, zo bad

for poor Zoe

Oh, woe for Zoe in Emmerdale. The village vet with bambi eyes played by Leah Bracknell lost her lipstick lesbian lover Susie after catching her giggling on the sofa with another woman. But Susie was a trollop and never good enough for Zoe anyway.

Equally worrying for Zoe, her wicked stepmother Kim Tate is threatening to run her out of business after she put down her beloved horse Valentine while she was away producing another cog in the Tate dynasty.

Wailed Zoe: "Kim is mounted up for the hunt but I'm the fox." Temporarily dismounted, Kim, always played with panache by Claire King, will surely soon get her leg over a frisky stallion.

On the Raq

Hasn't Raquel changed since returning to Coronation Street from that aromatherapy course? Clearly she isn't happy with Curly.

He'd been looking like a Ginger Tom who has fallen into a vat of Gold Top since he married the Nation's Sweetheart. But now the old little-boy- lost look is returning.

What will he do when Raquel goes? He hasn't Reg Holdsworth to bounce off but there's still Maureen - and they had a wild night of passion once, remember...

Gone with the Cind

TALK about going in style! Cindy Beale's exit from EastEnders on Thursday was soap's most dramatic departure since Elsie Tanner went clacking off down Coronation Street.

Cindy's Louse Lover David Wicks didn't exactly use the Gone With The Wind line: "Frankly, my dear, I don't give a damn". But everyone knows he was thinking it.

A BAFTA Award, too, to the soundman who synched Brief Encounter-type music into the EastEnders theme.

EastEnders in vintage form, with the Mitchell Bruvs sorting things aht, knocking blokes abaht, and swaggering around London as though they own the place.
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Title Annotation:Features
Author:Lanning, David
Publication:The People (London, England)
Date:Oct 20, 1996
Words:818
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