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Free the Emley One.

A lack of sleep seems to encourage the strangest dreams when I eventually get some shuteye.

Last night I had the most curious of the lot. My father had just returned from a trip to Edinburgh with Douglas. Unfortunately, while they had been there, Dougie had accidentally scratched a hotel worker (even though we cut his vicious nails regularly) and the "victim" had made a complaint to the police.

The police had looked into it diligently and charged Douglas with grievous bodily harm. However, due to his age (three months and a bit), they refused to read him his rights or even countenance the idea of a court case.

"Still, at least he won't go to prison," my father told me, "but the charge will be on his criminal record."

I went completely mad at this news. Grievous bodily harm from a baby? A police investigation? A criminal record??!

I had that horrible rage you can only get in dreams where you try to throw things around and rant a lot, but can't quite move. I ended up trying to punch the numbers for Edinburgh's Chief Constable into the phone, but with no success.

It was at that annoying point that I woke up. Still in an absolute temper, I started venting my spleen on Husband Chris.

Once I had calmed down, we began finding the whole scenario rather funny, imagining that Douglas' plight would fill the tabloids and be a definite splash on the Daily Mail (and the Examiner of course).

He would look extremely cute in his police mugshot though.

Taking offence

AND speaking of police botch-ups, the Metropolitan Police are removing the word "yob" from their reports in case of offending anyone.

Who, exactly, are they worrying about offending? Gangs of hoodies with an arsenal of weapons in their pockets? Crack addicts who will mug your grannie for a fiver?

I am sure the poor little lambs won't be crying into their regulation Youth Offending Institute pillows at night. Also, can you be offended at being called by the correct word?

Why stop there? Maybe we should start renaming murderers, rapists or war criminals with nice, "inoffensive" words. We don't want to upset anyone unduly, do we?

It seems to me that everyone is tiptoeing around these days, worrying about offending people.

Does anyone ever actually get offended? If they do, they should get a life and stop being such a wimp.

It's a shame that the Metropolitan Police weren't this sensitive about hurting people's feelings when they gunned down terrorist suspects.
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Title Annotation:Features
Publication:Huddersfield Daily Examiner (Huddersfield, England)
Date:Oct 4, 2006
Words:425
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