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Football: Zadok the Priest axed from Ibrox; NO IT'S NOT BIGOTRY - IT'S THE CHAMPIONS LEAGUE THEME.

Byline: Tam Cowan

HAVE you heard about this new craze that's hit the streets called Flash Mobbing?

Organised via the Internet, crowds of people clearly bereft of a social life suddenly turn up at a particular venue - a furniture shop, for example - and chant a single phrase before quickly disappearing.

Already a cult hit in New York and London, it seems Glasgow played host to the stunt on Wednesday.

About 50,000 punters gathered at Ibrox Stadium where they let out a cry of: "Well so much for the Champions' League" and then vanished into the night.

It surely makes good sense for Rangers to get kicked out of the competition by FC Copenhagen.

Sure, they'll miss the pounds 10million jackpot (bye, bye, Barry) but at least this will spare them the real embarrassment of attempting to mix it with the big boys at the group stages.

Don't get me wrong, some people still reckon Rangers have a Jack Palance of squeezing past the Danish champs.

One chap stoated into the bookies on Thursday morning and stuck pounds 10,000 on the Ibrox outfit qualifying for the Champions' League. Proof, indeed, that poor George Best really is battering into the bevvy.

Fortunately for Rangers, a quite abysmal performance wasn't captured by the cameras. Yes, summer telly might be minging, but at least it still hasn't sunk to these depths.

Friday's papers were full of stuff about the Scots inventing swearing. After seeing their club fail to capitalise on their Treble success I imagine raging Rangers fans might have made up some new expletives.

Want to upset someone in a Govan pub this evening? Try calling him a "De Boer".

Poor Ronald was anonymous in midweek and it'll be a long time before his pal Zadok The Priest is back at Ibrox - unless, of course, it's to give Rangers' European challenge the last rites.

Who? Well, Zadok The Priest is actually the proper title of the Champions' League theme music. (Yes ladies, brainy and handsome).

Before the Copenhagen calamity the Dutchman expressed his desire to once again here the stirring symphony reverberating around Ibrox. Sorry, mate, but I reckon there's more chance of the Ibrox DJ playing The Fields of Athenry.

Incidentally, did you know the Champions' League music also means a lot to Rangers' new signing Henning Berg?

I believe he was at school with Handel when he composed it.

Still not 100 per cent fit (lumbago, I guess) Berg didn't feature on Wednesday, but another summer arrival - Zurab Khizanishvili - remains confident of enjoying a long run in Europe this season.

With Rangers finances in tatters, he apparently thinks the transfer tribunal will collapse and he'll be back at Dundee within a fortnight.

Yes, Rangers are skint - but they are still desperate for a striker.

So maybe there's something I should now clear up. When Frank McAvennie revealed this week that Rangers tried to sign him, he was actually meaning 15 years ago.

Celtic were also involved in a big Euro shocker on Wednesday.

Okay, they cruised to a 4-0 win but can you believe club officials didn't bottle the water from that burst sprinkler and try to flog it to fans as Champions' League merchandise?

Perhaps the sprinkler should be brought over for the second leg.

Remember the meaningless match against FC Kaunas ? I'm sure this splendid water feature would be more entertaining.

Dundee should have no problem attracting a decent crowd for the pointless visit of those Albanian minnows - Gio di Stefano simply has to announce he'll be inviting one of his old mates as a mystery guest and fans will be rubbing shoulders with 10,000 UN troops.

But after charging supporters pounds 14 to sit through the "contest" against FC Kaunas, I think Celtic will struggle to fill Parkhead.

But here's an idea that I personally guarantee will see Celtic Park filled to capacity.

What about big screens to show a live beamback of the second leg from Copenhagen?

DID DIDIER SAY THAT?

RECEIVED an interesting phone call on Thursday morning from one of my Celtic- supporting mates currently on holiday in Paris.

He rang to ask if Didier Agathe definitely scored Celtic's second goal against MTK Hungaria on Wednesday night.

You see, having read all about it in a French newspaper, he naturally assumed something may have been lost in the translation.

Boss Berti's a true Scot SCOTSPORT'S phone-in competition last Sunday afternoon wasn't exactly a toughie ... what nationality is Scotland boss Berti Vogts?

For the benefit of viewers in High Blantyre, they even provided a choice of three possible answers - Dutch, French or German.

Okay, the wee man's obviously German. But listen, considering the cops were recently called to his house after a bit of a barney with his missus surely this now makes Berti an honorary Scot?

You'll lap this great offer up

MOTHERWELL'S main sponsor The Untouchables only sounds like a lap dancing bar, so we're still lagging behind our country bumpkin neighbours from Airdrie.

But thanks to a few free plugs for Seventh Heaven, I've just been awarded a complimentary membership!

While enjoying the individual attention of a scantily-clad sex kitten sounds appealing, I think I'd feel awkward at Seventh Heaven.

Yes, even though it's par for the course at lap dancing bars for all male members to be extremely tense.

That's why I'm giving one lucky reader the chance to win my pass!

This competition is open to any red-blooded males over the age of 21 (and, indeed, any red-blooded females who play for a ladies football team).

Forget what some people say about lap dancing clubs - they're just like any other nightclub except, of course, the bouncers are inside.

They're certainly not seedy - most punters, like Airdrie chairman Jim Ballantyne, just go for the crack.

Here's what to do. Seventh Heaven is located in Glasgow but can you suggest a suitable name for a lap dancing bar in Airdrie?

Entries to: Lap Dancing Contest, Daily Record Sportsdesk, One Central Quay, Glasgow, G3 8DA by the end of next week.

Funniest answer wins the membership - and I look forward to hearing from you, Fernando ...

ACCORDING to a news bulletin , the recent heatwave has led to the council in Blackburn imposing a hosepipe ban. Does this mean we'll have to wait a bit longer for Big Amo's Premiership debut?

AND FINALLY ... Just how happy was George Best on Tuesday morning? For those of you who don't know, that was the official start of the Grouse season.
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Title Annotation:Sport
Publication:Daily Record (Glasgow, Scotland)
Date:Aug 16, 2003
Words:1085
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