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Fearne gets McFlustered.

Byline: KEVIN O'SULLIVAN

Loving this band merger thing.

McFly team up with Busted to become "supergroup" McBusted...

Why didn't anyone think of this before? The Rolling Beatles could have cleaned up. The Steps Pistols... bubblegum pop and powerhouse punk all rolled into one.

The Spice Boys, The Beach Girls... who would take priority? And McFly missed a trick. They should have got it together with Eagles veteran Don Henley. McDonalds.

The McFly and Busted boys seem like the nicest guys you'd ever hope to meet. Too bloody nice! This is rock 'n' roll... not Darby and Joan.

"I don't drink," revealed wildman Harry Judd. "And I quit smoking." So sensible... so boring.

ORDEAL

But while they're squeaky clean to the point of nauseating, Dougie Poynter, Matt Willis and the gang must have done something wrong in a past life. Why else would they be forced to suffer the worst punishment in broadcasting... ordeal-by-Fearne Cotton?

Poor Fearne. She means well.

But she's just terrible on telly. Inane, inarticulate (crazy, brilliant, amazing), irritating, starstruck... she's got the lot.

And as a journalist she's a total non-starter. ITV2's two-night epic Fearne And... McBusted wasn't that bad. Apart from the "Fearne And..." bit.

With banal Blondie at the helm, a potentially half-way interesting exercise swiftly descended into a text book lesson on how not to interview PR-trained celebrities.

Drummer Judd was on the cusp of telling us about his lowest drug moment when ace interrogator Fearne stopped him in his tracks.

"Something happened that definitely changed me a lot," said Harry, intriguingly. "It affected me in a way that was very horrible... frightening."

Concerned that Mr Judd was about to open the book on a dark and fascinating chapter, Fearne spluttered: "So basically, without going into it, you had a problem but now you're super-healthy." No, you airhead... go into it!

Pleased with herself for killing the conversation stone dead, Idiot Girl wrapped it up with: "It's great, it's brilliant, it's a joy to see you in such a great place." Zzzzzzzzzzz.

According to fan-with-a-microphone Fearne, her ageing teenybopper heroes agreed to participate because they felt "pretty relaxed" around her.

But, obviously, the only reason they sold their souls to the TV devil was to promote their 41-date tour. Mortified I'm gonna miss it....

"There'll be difficult questions," vowed Fearne. Like asking lanternjawed new dad Tom Fletcher: "Do you feel like you as a family, this is such an amazing time?" Eat your heart out, Paxman.

In fairness to Ms Cotton's amiable victims, all of them were clearly prepared to lift the lid on the hellraising days that came before their transformation into teetotal I'm A Celeb and Strictly winners.

Sadly, Fearne wasn't prepared to let them....

What finally prompted Matt and Dougie to give up the booze? When and where did they make their life-changing decisions? Was Tom pleased with his preternaturally pristine house's starring role on Through The Keyhole?

We never found out. Because the hopeless host preferred to concentrate on their tedious tattoo roulette game and their fantastic fitness regimes...

Oh well... at least this anorexically thin tosh landed a sponsorship deal with a big watch manufacturer. How time doesn't fly when you're not enjoying yourself.

But back to Fearne as she recalled the golden age of McFly and Busted's appearances on her long-forgotten Saturday morning children's show...

"And here you are doing it again!" she gasped. "It's crazy, amazing, brilliant..." Oh shut up.

CAPTION(S):

Cotton buds: Fearne and the McBusted boys
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Publication:Sunday Mirror (London, England)
Date:May 25, 2014
Words:582
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